My uncle (111 M) gifted me (50 M) a ring before leaving to go travelling. A close family friend (2,019 M) told me to destroy the ring due to problematic associations with the jeweller who made it, but the ring is precious to me and I would feel guilty throwing it away. AITA?
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You know what comes after “leg day”?
Can’t walk up or down stairs day
When you get angry at someone count out loud to ten.
When you get to eight, throw a punch. Nobody expects that shit.
Nothing like waking to a perfect day – blue sky, sun shining, birds tweeting and the dulcet tones of my children, fighting to the death over a piece of cardboard
If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.
There’s a washer, a dryer but not a folder.
I want to go on a shopping spree at a book store..
But I also like electricity and food.. so you see my dilemma..
We’ve got some ground rules in this house bro. if there’s a sock on the doorknob it means im trippin balls and think the door is a big foot
If she says “do you notice anything different about me?” just jump into a gorilla enclosure or something
Pregnant women are full of ‘compressed heir’
Whenever someone knocks on the door of a bathroom I’m in, I like to yell back at them to come back with a warrant.
I might not be girlfriend material but I’m definitely
The way my dog is whimpering while he sleeps, I bet he’s dreaming of a squirrel riding on the back of a vacuum cleaner brandishing nail clippers
lmao
At this rate, I can’t wait to see what the holiday decorations look like.
It takes a lot of courage for a man to admit his wife is wrong…
[watching the news]
God: oh my me, this show is awful who wrote this
angel: you did sir
That is the biggest doily I have ever seen.
Feel. He’s so soft.
Me: You’ll never take me alive.
Executioner: Yeah that wouldn’t make sense.
Not to brag, but my son’s principal hasn’t called today.
What an exciting day!
First I’ve found a hat full of money,
then I was chased around town by some weird guy with a guitar.#HatDay #RubbishJokes #DadJokes
Me: I love living in a place with four seasons.
Me, the first day I have to scrape ice off my car: Screw this entire state.
A winged baby shooting people with a bow and arrows. Yeah, what wouldn’t turn me on about that?
This idiot from Apple reckons that the “Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down” warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies
I accidentally hit my sister over the head with a frying pan when we were kids. To this day, she doesn’t believe it was an accident. Also to this day, I think it was hilarious.
Me, excited because I don’t have to make school lunches for the next three months.
*Summer camps have entered the chat.*
My mom has been gone for three weeks and left my dad with the credit card. His surprise to her when she came home was a glow in the dark toilet seat and when he showed her all he said was “BEHOLD”
Interviewer: I want to ask you a question, and your answer must be quick.
Me: Okay.
Interviewer: 12 + 37 = ?
Me: Quick
It’s disturbing that when we see a man’s mustache fall off we assume it’s an identity theft situation and not a medical emergency
Genie: One wish left
Me: I wish I was cool
Genie: Your wish is granted
⛄️: Wait not like this