only targaryens can ride dragons?
explain this game of thrones
You Might Also Like
Ruin your teen’s day by singing the wrong words to their favorite song.
I don’t always go outside but when I do I hit my forehead really hard on a shelf to make sure I look like an idiot.
I told the bartender, “surprise me,” and he gave me ice water.
Edward Scissorhands: Maybe he’s born with it, maybe he’s Wolverine
[God, creating pigeons]
Make them pace back and forth like a lawyer.
My boss threw a Snickers at me and I caught it one handed so I think I’d be a good athlete if sports were played with candy bars
[robot gleefully steals another job from a human]
[.0003 seconds later]
This is crap
Why did I even want this
What have I done
I hate when people refer to some tv shows or snacks as “guilty pleasures.” You shouldn’t feel guilty based on what you’re eating or watching. You should feel guilty all the time.
If I committed a crime I would simply not leave behind slides with my hair and clothing fibers
If you see me at the beach this weekend, that’s not me. Don’t follow me. That works here but is creepy in real life.
Me in my 20’s: Naive af.
Me in my 40’s: Same af.
Being a parent isn’t just a job it’s a way of life. Like coal mining, or deep sea fishing, or ice road trucking….really any job that’s actively trying to kill you.
*Walks in late to dinner*
I see fed people.
Looking for a date, he must
-be an alpha male
-not shave
-howl at the moon
-not eat all the dog biscuits at once
-ok I’ve been single for too long
[first day in prison]
Hold up, are you telling me this food is FREE?!?
[The inventor of the hot air balloon]
You know what we need under this hot blazing fire, a wicker basket
I don’t know about eating 8 spiders a year but I’m definitely eating kilos of dog fur.
My 7-year-old wrote this joke:
What’s a zombie’s favorite weather?
A brainstorm.I’ve never been more proud.
Condom commercials shouldn’t make sex look fun, they should make parenting look terrible
Polite way of saying gfy in unwanted DM 😉
Billboards never give helpful advice like “hey you’re about to walk into work with your fly down”.
I opened this great self-care app.
It’s called “the fridge.”
them: do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you god?
me: finger quotes sure
Meowchelangelo
I drove past the prison and saw a small man climbing down a wall.
I thought, well that’s a little condescending.
Nextdoor doesn’t always deliver, but boy oh boy when it does…
A wise man once told me, “Are you even listening?”
I really hope it’s a typo on your resume where it says you’re “goat oriented”.
My testicles are in The Guinness Book of Records. Got a few minutes before the librarian sees me.