Doing some research on the Fresh Prince of Belair. Does anybody know where he was born and raised and where he spent most of his days?
You Might Also Like
Underwear and socks come in resealable bags but cereal and potato chips don’t.
He is ready
#meowed #TheMeowedClub
*learning CPR*
CPR dummy: I have a boyfriend.
Hub: When was your first kiss
Me: July 4th 1978 I kissed Brent under the fireworks
Hub: Didn’t you have a frog named Brent
Me: I hate you
I am writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my life.
It’s called an oughtobiography.
The worst part of having kids is doing all the math you never thought you’d see again.
Leaving restaurant: “That was lovely”
Outside: “Well, it was okay”
In car: “I mean, it wasn’t great”
Back home: “We won’t go there again”
Most arachnophobes end up secretly being spiders themselves
Deathbed confession
Me: We’re bankrupt
Him: What? How?
Me: I lied about being able to fold fitted sheets. I bought new ones every time
[in bed]
gf: I thought we could experiment with toys
me: fine, but not my buzz lightyear
I received a lovely Valentine’s Card from a secret admirer. I suspect it’s the one I sent to myself with my handwriting disguised, but it’s a nice thought on my part, and I appreciate it, although unfortunately I’m not really my type, so the relationship won’t go anywhere.
Growing up in the Midwest means I am not embarrassed to eat a pound of fried macaroni in a setting, but I am embarrassed to admit ever having sex to my family at the age of 36.
I think it’s safe to say that I’ve earned my gray thumb. My rock garden is blooming like crazy.
At night
Me: wow I finally found the best sleeping position!
My body: we need to pee.
My 11yo daughter is explaining to my 5yo son what Toys R Us was and he’s losing his shit.
Stellar hiring process HR. The new lady broke into song when being introduced to me. I give it 2 days before her first cat-related meltdown.
Whenever someone says, “Good question” I never hear their answer because I’m too busy congratulating myself for asking such a good question.
Free pizza at work got me like “Fine, I’ll come back on Monday”.
Optimus Regular will save us in 3-5 days and he’s a lot cheaper, i’m fine with that
marrying a French man really helped me understand the French revolution because once you’ve heard literally anyone from France talk about other French people you understand how ready this entire country is to just starting guillotining each other
You could date someone willing to catch a grenade for you I guess that’s cool but how about someone who always carries a tennis racket, wouldn’t that be a bit smarter?
If you unfollowed someone because you were pissed off at them but they apologize you should be able to refollow without them getting a notification and thus realizing that you unfollowed.
No reason
Parrots can live to be 75 years old *makes eye contact with parrot* …but not if they keep repeating the refrain to “Lime In the Coconut”
Benedict Cumberbatch sounds like the fake name someone called Ben would give when he realised halfway through that giving his real name would be a bad idea.
Murderer: *murdering me*
Me: (unconvincingly) Oh… oh no… stop… I don’t… want to be late for work
i can always see the flash of disappointment n a guy’s face when i tell them i have a great relationship with my dad.
Damn Girl, are you a violin solo in a Dave Matthews song? Cuz you go on forever.
My dance moves are best described as a woman trying to put on pants 4 sizes too small, with a wasp flying around her head.
You inspired me to sing. Never mind the dogs howling for me to stop.
[guy named mark who successfully used his cloning machine] this is remarkable