A North Carolina school has removed its bathroom mirrors to stop kids from making TikToks. Ooh, you were so close, they actually do them with their phones.
You Might Also Like
if harambe happened today it would be like the 40th thing down in the news. it wouldn’t even make the ticker
[15:00]
I’m not really feeling this edible.[15:30]
*trying to order chinese food from starbucks*
“Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth,” I whisper as I discover my strange mole is actually a half melted chocolate chip.
You’ve got to question the legitimacy of the Burger Kingdom if the Burger King is just handing out crowns to anybody willy-nilly.
The human race won’t go extinct when our blood turns into high fructose corn syrup
Our demise will come when hummingbirds figure it out
*pronounces patio like ratio
I had an important meeting with my kids. I’ve been waiting to have this talk for a while. I started the meeting by grabbing the toothpaste. I made eye contact with all of them and then very slowly put the cap back on. It was a shocking demonstration, but I think they got it.
My cooking is nothing that a flame thrower and take away menu can’t fix
I’m not sure how many biscuits it takes to be happy, but so far it’s not twenty seven.
My credit card was confiscated three days ago.
Jeff bezos just called to make sure I was okay.
No one is reading any of these tweets. Feel free to unburden yourself. I murdered a drifter once. Wow. That feels great. Now you.
Wife: hey take me out tonight.
Me: can it wait till tomorrow?
Wife: why?
Me: because tonight’s not garbage night, tomorrow is
the three genders
If you get robot arms don’t get the cheap ones [starts clapping for no reason]
pep talk
Guy wearing Superman t-shirt. LOL. Way to blow your identity idiot.
My son came home hella mad today talking about he told his friends i was a virgin and they told him that was impossible
Karma is my daughter bragging about getting to sleep late this week and forgetting to turn off her alarm.
I told my son, age 11, to clean his room. He’s 22 now. Will it ever happen?
The Wizard of Oz is my favourite movie about serial murder for personal gain.
do british flat earthers say the world is apartment?
Me: Well, that’s enough for one day.
Husband: But you just woke up.
Me: Exactly.
I’ll never be arm candy. I’m 50,
best I can be is an arm sandwich
The yogurt was so far back in the cooler at the store, I almost ended up in an Aha video.
Me: The worst thing about quarantine is that I’m running low on hot sauce.
BFF: Why you lying?
With grape soda comes grape responsibility.
I brushed my teeth without watching in the mirror and now my eyebrows are clean.