If the radius of a pizza is Z and the thickness is A, then the volume of pizza is PI x Z x Z x A. #asianshowingoff
You Might Also Like
Life is like a bear, play dead and it will leave you alone.
I skipped leg day at the gym, but don’t worry I balanced it out by skipping arm day, chest day, ab day, and back day so I’m good to go.
I’ve known my dog for 11 years but she still eats like I’m going to steal it from her
ME AT AGE 6: I am 6 and three-quarters as of tomorrow!
ME YESTERDAY: I am…I wanna say 32? Wait what year is it?
“You have such a great personality”
Me: Thanks, I collect them.
The courtroom I’m in this morning is astonishingly relaxed, and the judge looks like a kid cosplaying as a judge. Doogie Howser, J.D.
Coronavirus Quarantine Diary, Day 11:
[6 AM]
Me [waking Child]: Hey.
Child: mmmph what
Me: It snowed last night so you have no school today.
Child: YAY
Me: Just kidding get up you’re homeschooled now.
Started amusing myself in work meetings by adding “No pun intended” after comments I make with absolutely no pun or double meaning in them, then spend the next five minutes watching people’s faces as they are clearly trying to work out what the “pun” was
Everyone getting arrested and losing their job for storming the Capitol building are realizing why their grandparents wore hoods.
It doesn’t qualify as a murder mystery unless the detective describes the crime in detail, turns to the least likely person in the room and says, “but you probably already knew that… didn’t you?”
Wait, there’s a big difference.
Did you say I look like THE Rock or did you say I look like A rock?
Don’t hate the game, hate the player who keeps sending you Facebook invites to play the game.
Iron Man, Iron Man, does everything an Iron can
Gets real hot on a mat, makes your clothes get really flat
Look out! Here comes the Iron Man
On your first day in jail, when they ask you what you’re in there for, say “the food” so all the other prisoners know you’re a loose cannon.
OJ Simpson now has a Twitter Account. I’m sure he’ll kill it here
Doing word problems as a kid as helped me in adulthood. “Dan doesn’t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?”
Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.
Poor thing almost 47 years of wtf 🤣🤣💀
I may be 37, but I feel 25…when I look at my finances:
Instead of a dress code every senator should get to choose how one other senator dresses.
The people who thought I could never pull off wearing a beret owe me an apology.
Boss: I want only essential employees in the office.
[next day]
Boss [looking at me]: why are you here
I like to put up Christmas decorations in stages. This is the stage where I sit on the couch with lasagna and stare at the boxes.
My 5-year-old, “can I say bad words in my brain.” I said yes. She’s just standing there with the biggest smile. Pretty sure she’s saying bad words.
I am “cool” and “chill” and “stuck inside the walk in freezer.”
thanksgiving is canceled? you mean I have to wait until next year for my family to get together and roast me mercilessly?
Polar Bear: AHHHHHHHH.
God: please stop screaming.
Polar Bear: but I’m a ghost bear!
God: you aren’t a ghost bear.
Polar Bear: are you sure?
God: that’s just how you look.
Polar Bear: oh. ok.
[Swan flies by]
God: AHHHHH GHOST DUCK!
restaurant manager: how is everything tasting?
me: [nibbling on candlestick] delicious
ME: let’s not fight
DOCTOR: you punched me
ME: you stabbed me
DOCTOR: with a needle
ME: let’s not fight
Of course I regularly eat international cuisine. Only last week I had cyrillic alphabetti spaghetti.