Not enough arguments are settled with a dance off.
You Might Also Like
Don’t date a Canadian woman unless you’re willing to plow her…..
Driveway when it snows
people only watched my two hour youtube video dissertation on false advertising centered in the landscape of 21st century social media through to the end because I told them to ‘wait for it’ in the description
me: “it hurts when i pee”
doctor: “quit peeing on my desk and ill stop hitting you!”
my girlfriend is such a good actor haha she likes to pretend like she doesn’t exist and is just apart of my imagination
Good boy 😂😂
I woke up this morning and my hair looked like a Beatles lyric.
Here, there, and everywhere.
The first time I ever went to a Catholic Church the fire alarms went off when I sat down. I can take a hint Jesus.
Things my cat eats: grass
Things my cat shouldn’t eat: grassThings my cat should eat: cat food
Things my cat doesn’t eat: cat foodColour of my cat: black and white
Colour of cows: black and whiteSynopsis: My cat is a cow
Spent an hour looking for my coffee cup because one of the kids PUT IT AWAY in the right place.
how are we still getting a new year? we couldn’t even take care of the last one
Cool shirt 🙂
How a hammer can generate enough heat to start a fire.
People to panhandlers: Get a job, you lazy bum
People to ducks: Who has free bread for you? Is it me? Yes, it is
guys I’m going home
So I harvested my tomato today, it’s bound to be good considering the $43.29 I invested to plant it.
I asked my wife to pick up some 25yr caulk at Home Depot and she’s been in the bathroom getting ready for hours.
Waiter, Waiter, this chicken is nothing but skin and bones.
Would you like the feathers too?
#WaiterJokes #RubbishJokes #Puns #DadJokes
New hobby: Swap text for sponsored ads
My 3yo said Cheese is her favorite place. I don’t know if I should be worried that she thinks cheese is a place or sad because it’s not.
Boss: You’re fired
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You’re a waiter where did you get those
I don’t blame sharks. If someone walked into my house and started splashing around in my bath, I’d bite their leg off too.
A Florida police dog is being fired after biting two people; but to be fair, who wouldn’t want to hurt people from Florida?
Miss 9: When I grow up I’m going to have this house. When you.. you know..
Our 50 favourite Christmas tweets of 2021.
I forgot the term “kidney stones” so I called them pee pebbles.
I teach curse words and racial slurs to children whose parents allow them to run around restaurants.
some of you youths are gonna be real disappointed when u discover that turning 30 just means you still have all the same weird interests but can’t turn your head all the way to the left anymore
You seem like someone who doesn’t take the plastic off before you make the grilled cheese.
A survival horror where Mr. & Mrs. Potato Head blunder into a Five Guys