It’s actually only “Helvetica” if it comes from the Helvetia region of Europe. Otherwise you have to call it “sparkling Arial”
You Might Also Like
Anyone else having trouble with their Satnav today?
I typed in ‘Cowes’ and it’s brought me here. 🤷♂️
cat: psst it’s 5am time to feed me
me: no go away
cat: okay *proceeds to step directly on my bladder* oops my bad
I bet the first person that “domesticated” a cat totally regretted it
My children wanted to play restaurant and are very upset because I told them my place does not allow kids
Can people I follow stop disagreeing with each other? I depend on you lot to tell me what to think.
SUBWAY EMPLOYEE: What would you like-
ME: I’D LIKE TO CREATE A SHOW ABOUT A DOG WHO FLIPS HOUSES
SE: -on your sandwich?
ME: FIXER PUPPER
A small tragedy.
Coffee cake.
Just put 2 things I like together, what’s next?
Sex steak?
*extreme announcer voice* Next up on Jesus The Real Truth: Was it crucifact or crucifiction
[bum holds his hand out]
“can I have some change?”
change comes from within
“thank u. now I’m not poor anymore”
it took three months to convince my barber to perform a root canal
10 y/o daughter says she wants a job like mine someday because I’m “important but not that important” and my life story finally has a title.
People always ask us if Die Hard is a Christmas movie and our answer is always the same: Please just rent something.
Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough
ME: How do I tell Billy his grampa died?
WIFE: Just say he went up to the sky…{later}
ME: Your grampa’s on the International Space Station
They only arrested Justin Bieber cause he’s black.
Some music just moves you. For example this Taylor Swift song playing on the radio makes me wanna drive off a cliff
8: [gives dog good morning kisses]
wife: the dog gets good morning but not me? I gave you life!
8: the dog’s cute
me: everybody run
Me: I spy with my little eye something beginning with i
Other Titanic lookout: hmmm
“I’m a copy-editor”
– boring
– who cares
– what does that even mean“I am here to right what has gone wrong”
– mysterious
– ominous
– maybe you have a sword
BARISTA: Would you like to try our new special Peruvian blend? It’s sm-
ME: I’m just trying to stay awake and not punch anyone.
[dentist giving me a filling]
Me: guh uh hag a hogreg?
Dentist stops: what?
Me: do you have a boyfriend?
me: what’s ur favorite thing on the menu
waiter: oh definitely the salmon
me: oh yes ok i’ll have the *orders something that is not salmon*
*steals machine parts all year*
*gets coal for xmas*
“Santa you idiot, the parts were for a pressure chamber”
*turns coal into diamond*
If I get arrested & the cops give me one phone call I’m dialing Empire Carpets or Jenny because those are the only numbers I have memorized.
And then the devil said, “tell her to calm down.”
The woman selling sea shells by the sea shore must have had a strong personal brand to overcome such a poor business model.
This is a wasp nest that has grown around the flood lights on a garage and yes you will see it in your nightmares tonight
I think all the cats in my neighborhood have started a gang. I’ve been seeing a lot of mouse related graffiti lately.
Why don’t we ever talk about how there were aquariums EVERYWHERE in the ’80s. You couldn’t buy socks in a department store without seeing at least 40 tropical fish.