Four men having a little fun at an airport 😀
You Might Also Like
I love my kids, but not “Puts reindeer antlers and red nose on my SUV during the holiday season” loves my kids.
Goldfish: did you remember to take out the garbage?
Elephant: [rolls eyes]
Goldfish: did you remember to take out the garbage?
{Text to boyfriend}
Meet me at our place.
Me: *waiting in Starbucks parking lot
Him: *waiting in the backseat of his car behind Kmart
GF: Look, I’m just gonna say it…I can’t see you anymore
ME [wearing my new camouflage suit] lol, that is just awesome
“Can someone call me a doctor?!”
You’re a doctor.
“Please I’m losing my patience!”
You’re a terrible doctor.
I was having sex with this woman for 10 minutes before I realized it was a man, and then for like 20 minutes after.
This Roomba was a great investment. It vacuums, saves time, and in a pinch can be used as a babysitter.
When I told someone at work I didn’t have plans for Halloween because I’m not 5 y/o, she seemed stunned. I guess I really do look young.
*gets home from game*
“whoa what happened to your eye”
I was on the Kiss Cam
“oh she wasn’t into it?”
with the t-shirt cannon guy’s daughter
why are we only commenting our code? we should be liking and subscribing too
birds are named like red cockaded woodpecker and black headed grosbeak and no one says shit about it
Always do the right thing
everyone has a camera.
FOR SALE: baby shoes, made out of 100% baby
Parenting is filled with wonder. Like wondering why your 4yo raced into the kitchen and quietly grabbed a handful of napkins.
If there’s one think I’ve learned from twitter it’s to never be near an American and a wood chipper
Apparently it is “against church policy” to drop your kids off in the nursery and then go to brunch.
My son had a side hustle of selling King’s Hawaiian slider sandwiches to his dorm mates. And you know kids these days and cash. We were seeing these $3 Venmos going in the account around midnight many weeknights. I had to finally just ask him and then I offered to partner up.
Oh really, we have nothing in common? Then how do you explain neither of us being able to stand me
Me: I refuse to believe that year 2004 was 30 years ago
Them: it wasn’t
Me: that’s what I just said
My kid spent a long time washing kinetic sand off his hands, so now he’s clean, but the bathroom looks like it went to a rave on a beach
I took the battery out of my biological clock and put it in the TV remote.
It’s as though the guy beside me in traffic earlier had never seen a woman take her bra off without removing her shirt before
my tinder date ended up being a bald mannequin i was so embarrassed at the restaurant and then at the hotel
My kids in public are direct payback for every time I shriek’d
PLEASE DON’T HIT ME AGAIN at my mom in the middle of a crowded mall as a kid.
Ghost: they can’t kill us
Wife: that’s what u said last time
Who named it “Viagra” …..
and not “Miracle Grow” ?
My top tip is, before you get into a staring competition with any large animal (such as a boa constrictor), do double check they have eyelids.
I’m not religious until you need help moving on a Sunday.
I’d be far more impressed with He-Man if he went all the way and got his doctorate of the universe.