55 burgers 55 fries 55 tacos 55 fries 55 cokes 100 tater tots 100 pizzas 100 tenders 100 meatballs 100 coffees 55 wings 55 shakes 55 pancakes 55 pastas 55 peppers and 155 taters
You Might Also Like
Donate one kidney and you’re a hero. Donate a couple more and suddenly you’re a monster
My favorite pastime is roasting marshmallows over the bridges I burn.
My wife told me she “likes it rough.”
So I replaced the toilet paper roll with a sandpaper roll.
-how guys understand women
I have a lot of unemployment jokes…
None of them work.
If you don’t swear when you’re driving, you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
The best way to move on after a breakup is to be open to trying new things. Today I’m throwing rocks at joggers.
[solicitor reading my will]
“He [takes off glasses & pinches bridge of nose],
He wants to donate his arm to the drummer from Def Leppard”.
In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.
“Do you believe in past lives?”
I don’t even believe in the life I’m currently living.
Why would my wife ask if I was wearing this shirt when it’s already on? Stop talking in secret code.
nurse: time of death
doctor: 4:19—
[i take one last breath]
doctor: it’s still 4:19 you idiot
He died doing what he loved
smelling things underwater
anytime anyone dunks on me on this app i’m like man :/ i bet if they took the time to get to know me they’d be able to dunk on me even harder and more specifically :///
“YOU’RE DEAD TO ME”
Me on my first day as a mortician
No more Geoffreys #GeoffreyBoycott
Press 1 for English
Press 2 For SpanishPress 1 or 2 for Indian
I hate when people refer to some tv shows or snacks as “guilty pleasures.” You shouldn’t feel guilty based on what you’re eating or watching. You should feel guilty all the time.
Confuse your enemy by leapfrogging them
I almost slept through the whole thing
*best day ever*
Me: Can you bring me a burrito
Him: you want me to come over?
Me: no. I want a burrito to come over.
Me: let’s take those jeans!
Her: idk, that’s stealing
Me: *stuffing the jeans into my backpack* we’ll just walk out with them… no one will notice
Arby’s patron whose jeans I just pulled off: I’ve already noticed
I have a tattoo of a tiger shirt underneath my tiger shirt so when I take off my tiger shirt BOOM tiger shirt
Me: Knowing everything we do about medcine and health, I cant believe people still smoke!!
Also me: Is four boxes of Swiss Cake Rolls enough for the weekend?
Called my boss this morning and asked if I can come a little later in to work.
He replied with: “Dream on!”
That’s very nice of him, right?
#RubbishJokes #FridayMorning
[Jaden Smith at aquarium]
“…any questions?”
Do Crabs Think Fish Can Fly?
“No”
What If Our Air Is Just Bird Water?
“Huh”
How Can Birds Be R
Paranormal activity camera 3:33am…
Only catches me eating a chicken leg while doing the robot in my underwear.
Me: I grew a beard once & It actually looked just like yours.
Him: Why’d you shave it off?
Me: I just told you…
Police are advising to not approach the two suspects allegedly involved in the robbery of the mannequin factory as they are dangerous and heavily armed.
Top Seven Things Men Don’t See Coming:
7. Plot twists
6. Police cruiser
5. Love
4. Trash day
3. Health issues
2. Her reaction
1. That
Some dude told me he’s had 100 times more girls than me which made me laugh so much because 100 x 0 is still 0.