‘Escalator’ is what He-Man’s enemy is called in Spain.
You Might Also Like
Apparently, some parents are not appreciative of a sweet super supportive air horn during a children’s piano recital.
ants can carry up to 5000 times their body weight?? pfft. watch this- *goes to stomp an ant but it grabs me & slams me thru a picnic table*
Did a little self diagnosing over on Web MD and it turns out I’ve been dead since 2006
Pikachu found the lost joint
Two years ago I became a proud father. My son is 6, but he was kinda lame those first four years.
“I don’t get why our troops need to wear camouflage, when they could just wear glasses…”
-Superman
I like when the ending credits show pictures from the episode I just watched. What a fun trip down memory lane.
One time I was out with a guy and he needed new jeans so he opened up maps and just typed in “pants”
Bugs Bunny turns 75 today. Now when he says “What’s up, Doc?” he’s legitimately concerned.
Son told me “Make me a sandwich, woman” and now I have one child instead of two
Kids: you burned the popcorn
Me: you gave me stretch marks
Being a mom is easy
Meanwhile at Wayne Industries…
‘Hey anyone else think it’s weird we make so much batman stuff here’
You telling me these scissors are for rock paper?
Mom: “Do you want this?”
Me: “No.”
Mom: “Ok I’ll give it to your brother.”
Me: “No I want it.”
The postman told me he’s off to Spain tomorrow so I asked was he going to Parcelona and he ignored what I believe to be my best joke of 2014
“I trust my boyfriend, I would never go thru his phone”
-girls who can’t figure out boyfriend’s passwords
Parent Fact: Sugar makes kids crazy.
Grandparent Fact: Vengeance is mine.
I know how to share fries even if others do not. I am a bear.
I am a Mother hear me roar…..especially when my kids decide to make a kite out of my granny panties and fly it down the street.
The Bible is so unrealistic, Noah’s wife would have never allowed two spiders on that boat.
What idiot called it the “number of Police Officers in the Precinct” and not the “Copulation”
ME: When you think about it, shoulders are just hangers for our skin suits
WIFE: Ok get off me. I’m not in the mood anymore.
Batman: Why are you carrying a crystal ball and tarot cards?
Robin: You said I could be your psychic.
Batman: Sidekick. SIDEKICK.
Robin: Oh, that makes much more sense.
Sorry for shouting “go go gadget personality” while you were speaking. Please, continue.
Video Games made me do it.
Rock n’ Roll made me do it.
Witches made me do it.
Satan made me do it.– a short history of responsibility
Boss: I need that report by noon
Me: Consider it done[2pm]
Boss: Where’s that report?
Me: Huh? I thought we’d agreed to consider it done?
My parents are pretty middle aged.
“So? That’s pretty norm-”
*two knights bust in*
“CHILD, DOST THOU REQUEST REFRESHMENTS FROM THE TAVERN?”
[Mon]
Boss: Let’s talk about your clothes
Adam: But it’s my best leaf
B: You need officewear
A: Understood[Tues]
B: Is that a sticky note?
Customer: can I pay with my phone?
Me: no we need dollars
My dog is expecting a treat for bravely protecting us from the oven timer.