Some cultures fear that when someone takes your photograph they steal your soul.
You should be fine, though.
You Might Also Like
Having Justin Bieber sing at your funeral so your death will be the second worst thing happening to your friends that day.
Mobster: we need to set up a shell company
Lobster: let me handle this, boss
Took our kids to see Santa tonight at a local restaurant that lured us there with “adult spiked hot chocolate”. My 10 yo saw Santa walk in and go up to the bar “oh no! Santa’s an alcoholic!!” So that went well.
“Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
The coconut is very versatile. It can be eaten or be used to make a radio.
*puts on Rocky theme music*
*cracks neck*
*cracks knuckles*
*stretches*
*jogs in place*
*picks up phone to call mom*
[at séance]
Me: If you truly are a ghost why don’t you move this object
Ghost: If you truly are a human why don’t you get your shit together
There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group
Whenever I have a panic attack I put a paper bag over my mouth & once I’m done drinking the alcohol inside I feel a lot better.
Hungry? Have a snack
Tired? Have a snack
Cranky? Have a snack
Planning to take over the world? Have a snackSnacks are ALWAYS the answer
i made a promise to myself that if i ever get an island the first thing that i will do is put some dinosaurs on it.
Me: If I had a nickel for every time a guy interrupted me, I’d-
Some guy: Be rich?
Me: -put them in a sock and hit you with it
2 kids walk into a forest and try to eat an old woman’s home and she’s the villain? I’m not buying it Brothers Grimm.
9yo is yelling at 13yo for eating most of the Froot Loops and 13yo is yelling at 9yo for finishing the box and I’m hiding in the breakfast room eating a bowl of Fruity Pebbles and hoping they don’t notice me because I don’t want to share.
February
20°
NW OhioIn a 2 acre parking lot, a bird manages to find my windshield.
I need to go shopping for a new outfit. Anyone know who sells sizes OMFG and WTF happened?
Anyone else’s phone make a retching noise when you unlock it with face ID?
Therapist: We must remove our masks and express our true selves
Yoga instructor: True
Nutritionist: So wise
Raccoon: This is bullshit, Alan
The transplant surgeon was almost at the hospital when he realized that home was where the heart was.
My wife says I’ve placed unreasonable expectations on our kids, but I think Superman and Wolverine will turn out just fine.
Me: I have 7 things to tell you about your house. Number 4 may shock you.
Customer: You are the worst electrician ever.
My son is at that tender age where he believes me when I say that the dog ate the rest of the cookies out of the pantry.
People who copy and paste jokes from facebook are idiots…
A few seconds ago • Comment • Like
My favourite way to cut carbs is with a knife.
I feel tired and weak. Probably just getting older and nothing is wrong. Well, time to read the news
The audacity per square inch in a 3 year old is unmatched at any age.
COWORKER: Wanna come to my NYE party?!
ME: Aww… I would, but I already have plans.
MORGAN FREEMAN: He did not have plans.
My favorite part of my husband working from home is that our 6YO critiques all his conference calls.
“I think you should say ‘don’t get me wrong’ instead of ‘let me be clear’ next time daddy, it just sounds better.”
Popeye: Whys you we’rin glasses? A-gah-gah-gah
Brutus: Doc says I need em bad
Olive: Hiya fellas
Brutus: *jumps back* THAT’S HOW YOU LOOK?
ME: mom we’re out of eggs again!
MOM: it’s ok, there’s cereal
[later]
ME: *throwing cheerios at the mean neighbor’s house* this sucks