It’s password awareness Friday.
Today I offer free consulting.
Send me a password and I tell you if it’s strong.
You Might Also Like
Less than two weeks until Canadian Thanksgiving.
Better start marinating the beaver.
The only thing I want written on my tombstone is “I’m standing right behind you.”
Me: I was bitten by a Karen at Starbucks, will I become a Werekaren!?
ER Dr: No, we’ll just need to..
Me: I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!
I never thought I’d fight with my wife over who gets to run basic errands alone but then we had two kids.
I just spent £16.01 in Tesco.
Cashier: ‘Have you got the one?’
Me: ‘Yes, I think I have. We’ve been together a while now.’
Cashier: ‘Eh?’
[text from friend)
Her: You doing okay?
Me: Yeah I guess. Why, what have you heard?
I’d like to thank the British for wearing red coats and making it easier to shoot them 238 years ago. We couldn’t have done this without you
DOCTOR: To cure your blue skin condition, you must immerse your entire head in this vat of chemicals
GUY ABOUT TO BECOME SKELETOR: Sounds crazy but okay
Christ it is annoying when my parents need help on their failing farm. I always get there and theres a hunk with a toolbox whos like “I’m helping your parents now, with my tools” and I’m like “get out of here!” and then we do end up falling into a marriage. every spring with this
every time i drink milk i remember my roommate who used to put powdered milk in his milk so he could drink “more milk per milk”
I’m out here scooping up street salt and repurposing it to margaritas as God intended.
My 3yo plays a version of hide-and-seek where if you find her, she cries.
if you really want to capture her heart this Valentine’s Day sculpt her likeness in ham, the most sensual of the smoked meats
*sales call
Sales Rep: Trust me sir, I’m giving you the best deal..
Me: Ofcourse I trust you, we’ve been talking since 2 minutes, feels like forever
I understand that t-shirt guns exist but what about shooting pants at people? This seems useful too
Volkswagen’s crimes are CHARMING compared to Samsung’s immeasurable noise pollution with their default whistling asshole ringtone.
Why do seagulls live by the sea?
Because if they lived by the bay theyd be bagels.
will you marry me?
“OMG YES! I love you!!!”
*imagines typing only 4 characters for ‘wife’ instead of ‘girlfriend’ on Twitter*
I love you too
No animal is more conniving and deceptive than Guinea Pigs, whom are neither pigs or from Guinea.
I could host an elegant dinner party, but I don’t know enough people with simmering tension over long-held secrets to make it worthwhile.
is Kristen Stewart a Vulcan
Drawing fake track marks on my arm so I don’t have to hold anyone’s baby at Thanksgiving.
FRIEND: Jack is sleeping, what should we do to him?
TYLER: Shaving cream.
MARK: Shaving cream.
ME: Pay off his student loans.
[they all look at me]
ME: I mean shave him.
Sorry I haven’t been able to get back to you, I’ve been pretty busy chasing this cherry tomato around my plate with a fork. Almost. Got. It.
Before you reply to a tweet, take a deep breath.
Now hold it.
Hold it…
Hold it….
Hold it…
Keep holding it…
Die.
If you see me longingly looking at you at the pub, i’m just wondering if you’re going to eat all those nachos?
KID: I drew you a picture!
ME: What’s this?
KID: Our house.
ME: What’s the orange stuff?
KID: Fire.
ME: Why’s the house on fire?
KID: I want a PS4.
The Home Depot guy doesn’t care why we’re buying all this quicklime. Be cool. Stop sweating.
Me: If I had a superpower, what would it be?
6YO: Being nice. Not yelling.
Me: Really?
6YO: Oh, I thought it was like which ones did you need.
Me:*opens mouth*
Husband: Don’t. You’re the adult.
He lifts up my shirt only to have a full serving of broccoli fall out, steamed to perfection