A field full of rams , really sounds like a ewe problem
You Might Also Like
Reaction from my kids after explaining how sex works:
“You’ve done this THREE TIMES?”
When your printer uses up half your new ink cartridge aligning the print head. Well played printer companies.
The Bible says homosexuality is wrong. I forget the chapter. It’s somewhere between the talking snake and the virgin birth.
No YOUR addicted to correcting people’s grandma on the Twitter
Wait, there’s a big difference.
Did you say I look like THE Rock or did you say I look like A rock?
[Xmas morning]
wife: Honey, is this a dolphin? We agreed no dolphins.
“dolphin-shaped gift flopping wildly under tree*
me: JUST OPEN IT
My boss tasked us with finding new and inventive ways to be productive while we work from home. So I tied a piece of string to my mouse and pull it every few minutes to keep my computer from going idle while I nap on the couch. I’ve never been more “productive” in my life.
I’m really not that tall. I’m just sitting on my wallet.
– me flirting
I picked up a couple nice slabs of fresh salmon from the local fish market. Lovingly rubbed it with dijon mustard, coarse salt and black pepper. Smoked it low till it reached a beautiful 140°.
Kids: “WE WANT FISH STICKS!”
I withdraw my argument. I didn’t realise you had a meme to back you up.
This might be me.
Follow me for more tips.
I’m already getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I’ve given the bird to lots of people today.
My favorite thing about summer is opening your window for 30 seconds so an insect that hasn’t been identified by science yet can fly into your home.
I was in a busy lift today and someone opened and started eating an egg sandwich.
Just to repeat: in a lift.
me: sorry, I move around a lot in bed
GF: it’s ok lol
[middle of the night]
me: [taps GF on the shoulder] I just bought a house in Montana
Reasonable mental health and a good relationship with his mother? I can’t work under these conditions
The coolest feature of being over age 40 is now when I get a pimple it only takes 14 months to go away.
“Last night I was so drunk I replied to my own text”
Give a man a fish… and well, shit gets weird.
In case you haven’t checked Facebook,
It’s hot today, the fireworks were beautiful, and 32 friends invited you to play candy crush!
Statistically you’re more likely to be killed by a vending machine than a shark. But here at SharkVend™, we think we may have found a way to even those odds.
Every haunted house movie:
Chamomile tea makes chamomile pee.
Sex is cool, but have you ever had a can opener that actually works?
No, you typed your password instead of the amount in the payment window.
Saw a kid in a stroller with an iced coffee. I gave him my resume.
(Indian wedding)
White friend: OMG that’s so spicy!Me: First of all, it’s a glass of water.
The American flags on the moon have been bleached white from 44 years of solar radiation. If aliens ever attack, we’ve already surrendered.
I’m bisexual, but I don’t currently have a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
You could say I’m on stand-bi.
[first time skydiving]
Me: LET’S GOOOOO- *jumps out*
Instructor (staring at me laying on the concrete): Plane hasn’t taken off yet