**Pixar Film Themes Guide**
Toy Story: Jealousy
WALL-E: Environmentalism
Up: Bereavement
Cars: Cars
You Might Also Like
Me: I have nothing to say
Also me: AND ANOTHER THING
My brain: Hahahaha… Sorry, I don’t remember your pin.
My brain, 5 minutes later: Hey, I know you already paid cash but I remember that pin now.
inventor of doritos: what if triangles were delicious
This cop standing next to my car wouldn’t let me finish my tweet until I signed something for him.
Why are some people so needy?!
Putting on the ‘Best of Owl City’ playlist when I want to kill three and a half minutes.
As a parent when you hear a bang
you wait
There’s an eerie silence that
your kid is either fine
or filling their lungs with a wail the volume of an air raid siren
Got drunk and did my taxes, i am getting back 1 zillion dollars, 2 slaves, and somehow the state of Rhode Island, this can’t be right.
I like to go on job interviews wearing an eye patch and switch eyes when the interviewer looks down.
Irish I was a lil bit smaller. Irish I was a leprechaun baller. Irish I had a shamrock & a hat, & endless gold coins in a big black cauldron
Kids: Yay! We have a 4 day weekend!
Me: *drinks wine straight from bottle*
Read someone say, “just had a Starbucks lemon water with sugar Yumm!”
I never claimed to have an IQ higher than the temperature inside a refrigerator but I believe that’s called lemonade..
There are no atheists in parking lots where you’ve dropped your phone face down on the asphalt.
Henceforth I’m going to say ‘state’ after I say the name of EVERY American state because why should Washington get that treatment exclusively?
Kid threw a rainbow slushee at my windshield …. Thought I hit a unicorn
Why can’t your children be like my office voice mail?
Seen but not heard
The expression should be “seeing things eyes to eyes”. Otherwise you’re suggesting a meeting of the minds between Cyclops
nobody tell me how the eclipse goes today I’ll be watching it on delay
yall want some gasoline milk
Taking a break from my mental health so I can focus on Twitter
if you dating baby shark you single to me. what he gonna doo doo doo doo doo doo
“i can’t go because of coronavirus”
– whiny
– boring
– weak“i’ve sworn an oath of solitude til the blight is purged from these lands”
– heroic, valiant
– they will assume you have a sword
– impossible to check if you really have a sword because of coronavirus
We skipped the hour where I was supposed to exercise. Oh well, Maybe next year.
(pointing at TV) That’s Homer, he’s sort of the ringleader. The hierarchy is actually not super clear but it seems like he and the woman grew the smaller ones somehow
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.
[son comes running into our room]
“Dad, there’s a monster in my room!”
Look, Marky, what-
“Mikey.”
Right, Mikey. What makes u think I care?
What do you call a cow that eats your grass?
A lawn moo-er.
HER: I’m from outside London.
ME: Nearly the entire world is outside London.
If I was a police sketch artist I wouldn’t listen to the victim. I’d draw a majestic gay dragon then flip it over and be all, “Is this him.”
2-step verification should be at least somewhat dance related
Airline just told my GF she has too much baggage & they’ve only known her a couple of minutes.