A Video no one needed, but since I miss saying these things, here is what Product Managers actually do.
Ask & say a bunch of random things to sound smart.Hope I get hired for my honesty at least if not for my skills 😀
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Supposed to leave for vacation in 5 minutes. Somehow, the clothes I need to pack that I threw in the washer an hour ago, aren’t ready.
At the dmv waiting outside for my daughter to fill out paperwork. I’m remembering when I was 16 and my dad backed the car into the spot so I could just pull forward with the test guy. It worked! And 35 years later, I still can’t back out very well.
10: Ugh! I have a math quiz tomorrow
Me: I’ll help you. I’ll be your teacher today!
10: Omg! Why are you making this worse?!
It’s hoodie and chainsaw weather finally
(on a first date knowing women like it when you ask questions about them) what the hells wrong with you
I put the dog’s drugs in peanut butter so she’ll take them. She loves peanut butter cuz she thinks it tastes good AND it gets her high.
Toy designer: a remote control car that’s rechargeable!
Executive: But how will we still make this awkward for parents who buy them for their kids?
TD: oh.. we’ll just make it so you still need batteries for the controller
If Minnie Driver married Bradley Cooper her name would be oh god I can’t even finish this one
When jogging, if i get tired, I insult the people i pass in my head & then imagine having to get away as they chase me…
my family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.
When the the bladder control commercial with the jingle “Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now” came on my 5 year old asked “mommy, do these ladies really have to go to the bathroom or do they just think they do” thus becoming the youngest menopause expert in the world.
eats a dozen doughnuts…
*checks for flabs*
before you test me just know there are no toddlers allowed in prison and that sounds really nice to me right about now
Ironically the best judge is someone who knows both parties fairly well, and can attest that both parties are idiots.
[home depot]
ME: I think I like this huge decorative rock
HER: Boulder
ME: Ok [with confidence] I REALLY LOVE THIS HUGE DECORATIVE ROCK
Him: I’m thinking about shaving my beard
Her: Okay
Him: You don’t mind?
Her: Nope
Him: Great
Her: I’m thinking about getting a divorce
Him: You’ve made your point
Pretending to WFH while my mom is around is way worse than actually working.
She’s on to me. I can feel her breath behind my neck…
No one told me my life would become so much googling it
The cheese grader saw me walk in the house with a bag of shredded cheddar and shit got real awkward.
Him: Brunch tomorrow?
Me: No, I’ll be asleep.
Him: What time will you be awake?
Me: I don’t understand the question.
The walls in my panic room are painted beige so I’m panicking but bored about it.
I read murder mysteries for complicated plot lines, well rounded characters, and creative yet practical alibis.
To cut a long story short, play your audiobook on triple speed.
People who aren’t entombed in 8 feet of snow, what’s it like to live in a tropical paradise?
Words I say when I sing along to Informer by Snow:
Informer
[Home Depot]
Me: I’ll take your finest home
*All surrounding dads tear up with joy*
Me: Let’s start a mom and daughter journal!
12: It’s called texting.
Why did they call them buddy cops and not palice?
[opens fortune cookie]
be careful what you wish for
[opens another]
this is your final warning
“I’ve invented the toaster”
SADISTIC CEO: What number toasts it perfectly?
“2”
SC: ok make it *cries with laughter* make it go up to 8