[Witches Kitchen]
Mama: I made you a birthday cake and I used pig blood so it’s nice and moist
Daughter: wow okay that’s gross
Mama: what, I thought you liked pig blood?
Daughter: oh I do, but stop saying moist
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Fortunately people caught on to his pyramid scheme.
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[me with a harmonica imprint in my pocket] cool my lips hurt anyway
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If you’ve never seen your woman truly pissed at you, it’s obvious you’ve never used her sewing scissors to cut paper.
Dear toilet paper companies
I think it’s safe to say you can stop airing tv commercials
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He got away Scott free.
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PROTECTIVE SERVICES: Why would you name me this, mom?
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“How do you do, fellow birds?”
(tickling you a little) add me to your cell phone plan dude cmon
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Narrator:….and that boys and girls is how the first vampire came about