Before you say you want to be treated like a king or queen, just remember that a lot of them were beheaded.
brain: touch it.
me: but it’s sharp.
brain: i know but HOW sharp.
You Might Also Like
“You know your addiction is bad when you lie and say you’re at the gym when really you’re out shopping” is the title of my autobiography.
“SOMEBODY had a lot of time on their hands.” What dull people say about creative people.
Just realized that the group therapy I attended weekly for three years was actually the waiting room of a local optometrist.
It’s 450 BC. Socrates is doing a keg stand at a philosopher frat party. Gets the nickname SoCRAYtes. Nobody takes him seriously ever again.
When I was growing up, “Deadpool” was just what we called our neighbors’ hot tub after he mysteriously drowned in it.
OK so apparently “psychosis” is one word, and doesn’t specifically refer to my female sibling.
Having a child doesn’t make you a father. Sneezing as loud as you can after cutting the grass does.
Victory: Eww! Stop licking me!!