@desi_princess

Does Target have crack floating through their air vents? Went in to buy milk, came out with a giraffe, 6-pack, someone’s kid, and a headache

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@jakery

friend: which is more important, honesty or loyalty?

me: whichever one makes this conversation end

@adamthislife

Jesus only had 12 followers, also one sold him out to die and another unfollowed Him right before He died. So I guess I’m not doing too bad.

@TheNardvark

There should be a morning after pill for Supreme Court decisions.

@GabbbarSingh

The only entities which will survive a nuclear holocaust will be the cockroaches and a book packed by Flipkart.

@daemonic3

It is said the population of sheep in New Zealand is 60 Million.

How did they stay awake to figure THAT one out?

@IamEnidColeslaw

may your fathers prosper. may your friends be uglier than you. may your exes get food poisoning

@SvnSxty

My Body: we’re hungover

Me: but I didn’t drink anything

My Body: I don’t make the rules

@JimmerThatisAll

Nope. Not gonna follow anyone whose name is upside down. I got enough problems.