@MooseAllain

Double negatives are never not confusing.

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@ThePopTartJesus

If the voices in my head had a British accent, I would do what they say more often.

@iamfacciabella

Never use profanity. Unless you live on the East Coast. Where it is considered punctuation and shit.

@weathrgirlmarge

Jesus saves. Often. Because even he knows Microsoft Word is a piece of shit.

@DartsBofficial

There are 3 types of pain… 1.) Pain. 2.) Excruciating Pain. 3.) STEPPING ON A LEGO!

@erica_rosie

Working hard at building up my self confidence! (that’s what I named my new Lego set)

@Midgetspar

I’m glad that when you shoot, you shoot to kill … because shooting to merely wound seems kinda mean.

@t0iletcat

My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.

@Gorrdano

Don’t propose with a diamond, that’s so yesterday. Propose with a pair of oven mitts, at least she’ll knows what she’s getting herself into.