Double negatives are never not confusing.

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If the voices in my head had a British accent, I would do what they say more often.


Never use profanity. Unless you live on the East Coast. Where it is considered punctuation and shit.


Jesus saves. Often. Because even he knows Microsoft Word is a piece of shit.


There are 3 types of pain… 1.) Pain. 2.) Excruciating Pain. 3.) STEPPING ON A LEGO!


Working hard at building up my self confidence! (that’s what I named my new Lego set)


I’m glad that when you shoot, you shoot to kill … because shooting to merely wound seems kinda mean.


My first instinct when I see an animal is to say “hello”. My first instinct when I see a person is to avoid eye contact & hope it goes away.


Don’t propose with a diamond, that’s so yesterday. Propose with a pair of oven mitts, at least she’ll knows what she’s getting herself into.