Twitter: “Where people are openly Gay and secretly Republican”
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I’m so cultured I’m practically yogurt.
I get it. True beauty comes from within. But until true beauty can wear lingerie and give a mean lap dance, I may have a few shallow moments
(me, as a caveman, inventing religion):
what if there’s a giant sky man who will be like super pissed if you don’t give me money
From now on non fiction and fiction books shall be referred to as Fo Reals and Not Fo Reals. Pls pass along,
15 wants to change my oil as a Mother’s Day gift, it’s really sweet but I can’t afford a new car right now.
I got dumped by my therapist, she said “ she needs to work on her”
If you don’t have one final pee, “for the road,” are you even over 40?
If a puppy stabbed me in the face and stole my car, I’d still be like, “aww.”
I don’t have a summer home, but I do have several different email addresses.
had the person who invented the bicycle seat never actually experienced sitting down before