Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

@UnimpressedWU

Why aren’t marriage prevention hotlines a thing?

@LuvPug

I can’t get out of bed, my Fitbit is charging and my steps won’t count

@meganamram

I’m giving up spellcheck for Lant

@rad_milk

going over to my buddy’s house and opening all of his treasure chests to see if there’s any items in there that i need

@Renanumber5

Cw: Ignorance is bliss

Me: Explains why you’re so happy

HR: It’s good to see you again

@noog

Canadian Army training is 6 weeks of learning how to throw a snowball.

@online_shawn

Garfield creator breaks silence to give impassioned speech. “It’s pronounced Jarfield” he says through tears

@Cpin42

Twelve years ago today, my brother gave me one of his kidneys. I still can’t believe that he did it. I wasn’t even sick.

@DeepDarkFear

Just saw a doctor eating an apple. My whole life is a lie.

@GinRumMe

*walks down street*

*panties drop left and right*

*thinks, “shouldn’t have bought so many panties”*

*picks up panties*

*continues home*