@noog

Good Friday. No. Stop, I said no. NO. BAD FRIDAY. BAD.

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@cashbonez

I’ve decided to become one of those super relatable twitter accounts. Folks, dontcha just hate it when you drop cob of corn and it rolls out your open front door and people are calling you all day going “I saw your corn”

@petemandik

Pretty insulting when you wake up in a bathtub of ice and they left all your organs.

@tarashoe

well. like. what the hell does that leave me with then i mean cmon

@Dawny716

Instead of being frustrated that you only have a 140 character limit just be thankful that I do.

@tchrquotes

SOME OF MY FRIES WERE TOO SHORT TO COMFORTABLY DIP IN MY KETCHUP AGAIN WHY ME LORD

@DurtMcHurtt

The guy I cheat off moved seats before today’s spelling test, like he’s teaching me some kind of lessen.

@UncleDuke1969

“He’s behind me, isn’t he.”
“Yep.”
“Is he making that stupid face?”
“Yep.”

@JustForHT

Whoever said imitation is the sincerest form of flattery hasn’t had a 7yo mimicking their every word for the last 10 minutes.

@carlyken

Reporter: so what is it like being in Maroon 5 when you’re not Adam Levine, um Mr. Uh-
*quickly googles for his name but google has no idea*