-hey lucifer. did it hurt
-did what hurt
-when you fell from heaven
-for the last time gabriel i am not going out with you

You Might Also Like


Me: I’m pretty sure I just died, but this place looks exactly like my office

Satan: yeah, welcome to hell

Me: well, I guess it could be worse

Satan: I also signed you up to be on the party planning committee



The rejected Spice Girl, Pumpkin, sobs outside the studio.
Little does she know that in 20 years their fans will love her the most.


WIFE: ugh I hate this slow cooker

SLOTH [still putting his apron on] I hate you too, Sharon


If I could time-travel, forget killing baby Hitler. I’d go back to use every come back I ever thought of 10 minutes too late.


It’s only a problem if others know about it….

*Sweeps problems under rug*


Based on how poorly this burrito was wrapped, I assume it was made by the one person at Taco Bell that has never rolled a blunt.