@CornOnTheGoblin thunderbolt and lightning
very, very frightening me
(mashed potatoes) mashed potatoes
(mashed potatoes) mashed potatoes
@UberFacts Homosexuality was classified as an illness in Sweden in 1979 — Swedes protested by calling into work sick, saying they “felt gay.”
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@CornOnTheGoblin 
@jonnysun *the force awakens*
*the dark knight rises*
*they make eye with eachother adn realize they were sleepig in the same bed*
AHHHHHHHHHHHH
@Chase_Observes Don’t believe in aliens, huh? Explain how people in the 1800s got on top of those bicycles with the huge front wheels.
@briangaar If your cat is your “child,” I bet its “grandparents” are “sad”
@GoldenSpirals ‘Twas the night before Christmas,
and everyone knew,you were still out shopping,
yes, it sucks to be you.
@IHideFromMyKids While I usually love my son’s sense of humour, pretending to not know us as we went through airport security was not one of those times
@OakHill_ Her: Where have you been?
Me: I went to see a shrink.
Her: Are you having emotional problems?
Me: No… I just want to be smaller.
@Marlebean Costume idea:
Dress up like milkshake, wait in the yard.
@BrainFumbles They said she was a cat lady but when I threw her off a small building she didn’t land on her feet and now I’m in jail for murder.
@sarcasticmommy4 Driving home with my kids & my son didn’t like the song I was listening to. He said, “Thank God we’re 10 seconds from home!” & then I took the long way home because that’s what parents do.