@TheBoydP

I don’t understand why they named it “sandpaper” when the obvious name “office toilet paper” was right there in front of them.

You Might Also Like

@UncleDuke1969

In my late forties, I now find myself with gray hair, a delightful assortment of aches and pains, and surprisingly strong opinions on decorative throw pillows.

@QwertyJones3

Whenever my dachshund acts up I show him a pack of hotdogs in my fridge and he falls right back into line

@LackOfShame

*Goes to bathroom

*Reaches down to unzip

*Discovers pants have been unzipped for the last 4 hours

*Starts wearing underwear

@buseysteeth

You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.

@Sanbel11

Him: Baby are you mad?

Me:
Typing…
Typing…
Typing…
Typing…
Typing…
Typing…
Typing…
Typing…
Typing…
Typing…
No, why?

@SortaBad

“I have a coupon for a large 2 topping”
“What toppings?”
“Pepperoni & a small cheese pizza”
“Sir you can’t top a pizza with a smaller pizza”

@imteddybless

if ur dad didn’t want to be more than friends then why did he get me that delicious glass of water

@Smug_Lemur

It looks like bathroom tai chi but it’s me trying to trigger the automatic paper towel dispenser.

@Rollmaninoz

*office*
Me:…
Coworker:…
Me:…
CW:…
Me:…
CW:…
Me:…
CW:…
Me:…
CW:…
Me:…
CW:…
Me:…
CW:…
Me:*puts headphones on*
CW: Hey just sent you an email