@ZaraEatWorld
@AnkCoupleTO [job interview]
Panel: We’re looking for someone with intensity, focus, passion and drive
Me: *adjusting volume on Ipod* sorry what?
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@AnkCoupleTO 
@Loli_Sug Me: Can you bring me a burrito
Him: you want me to come over?
Me: no. I want a burrito to come over.
@Brampersandon_ [around campfire]
ME: *grabs guitar* Hey kids how about a song?
KIDS: Yeah!
ME: ok *clears throat* LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR LET THE BODI
@envydatropic First date – I’ll have an ice water and a lettuce wedge
Tenth date – I’ll have a large pizza, extra cheese. What do you want, honey?
@leftarmisme Me to my daughter who is in the swimming pool: I have some water if you need some.
Daughter: *looks around* I have plenty. Thanks.
@Prof_Hinkley “Nope, it needs more vowels”
– Hawaiians
@Cornjerker78 Music Party with the wee ones
Me: bet you girls didn’t know I could dance.
5yo: I’ll get you a Band-Aid
@envydatropic I print everything at work because I’m not a multimillionaire who has a printer with ink at home
@Shade510 Suddenly all I own are skinny jeans.
@flashember [1st Day after wildebeests take over]
I’m safe in my house
[Day 7]
Thought I heard clattering
[Day 21]
THEY CAN OPEN DOORS WITH THEIR HOOVES