@McClaneJohn2

If you ever lose your dog just open up a bag of chips.

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@pranavsapra

They named it Galaxy Note because when you take this thing out of your pocket, the entire Galaxy can note that it’s been taken out.

@ShMaCkEdWeNcH

The fact that no one understands you does not mean you’re an artist.

@thejessbess

I put “the rap” in therapy.

Yo, yo.
Emotional baggage, bitter like cabbage. Rollin up the green like a Hulked out savage. Burger, Inc.

@Girl_Censored

I’m not a jealous person but seriously, if you star her tweets one more time I’m going to squeeze the balls of this vodoo doll so hard…

@sinnerland

All my tattoos pretty much mean the same thing. I had money to blow.

@imence2

This guys talking about “Calm down, everything happens for a reason”. Then he gets all angry when I punch him in the face. What a hypocrite.

@SamGrittner

I celebrate International Women’s Day by visiting my local CVS and torching all their ‘JUST FOR MEN’ products while screaming: “NOT TODAY!”

@Adam14

I use my teethbrush then go play feetball and commit arms robbery. Just giving you a head up.

– people with the right amount of body parts

@I___Aphrodite

I want to be the reason you look at your phone and smile while walking and then hit your head on a pole and faint. 🤪😂