My Mexican friend is lactose intolerant. No whey Jose.
If you ever lose your dog just open up a bag of chips.
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They named it Galaxy Note because when you take this thing out of your pocket, the entire Galaxy can note that it’s been taken out.
The fact that no one understands you does not mean you’re an artist.
I put “the rap” in therapy.
Emotional baggage, bitter like cabbage. Rollin up the green like a Hulked out savage. Burger, Inc.
I’m not a jealous person but seriously, if you star her tweets one more time I’m going to squeeze the balls of this vodoo doll so hard…
All my tattoos pretty much mean the same thing. I had money to blow.
This guys talking about “Calm down, everything happens for a reason”. Then he gets all angry when I punch him in the face. What a hypocrite.
I celebrate International Women’s Day by visiting my local CVS and torching all their ‘JUST FOR MEN’ products while screaming: “NOT TODAY!”
I use my teethbrush then go play feetball and commit arms robbery. Just giving you a head up.
– people with the right amount of body parts
I want to be the reason you look at your phone and smile while walking and then hit your head on a pole and faint. 🤪😂