Trail Mix should just be called “Dig around until you find the M&M’s”
Teens are leaving FB for Twitter & Instagram to escape parents. Silly rabbits, we were here first.
You Might Also Like
I had abstinence-only sex education when I was in high school.
It was called Dungeons and Dragons.
ME: I lied in my interview.
BOSS: what was the lie?
ME: all lies. except about my aunt.
BOSS: she wants to party with me?
ME: big time.
After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I’ve successfully installed Java. He hates me.
[opening day at fast food place]
manager: all the orders in?
manager: the electrical all set?
manager: and the chairs. do they grate loudly against the floors?
manager: perfect. we’re ready.
There’s a fine line between myth and reality and booze blurs it nicely.
All carpentry tool names were created by someone in desperate need of sex.
I don’t know about eating 8 spiders a year but I’m definitely eating kilos of dog fur.
Just spent a week building a time machine. That’s seven days of my life I’m going to get back.
I carpool with a guy & we have officially run out of things to talk about. Today he commented on how well-made the road was. I agreed.