The emotional roller-coaster of catching the bouquet, then remembering I’m at a funeral.

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So are these single women just throwing themselves against walls as they masturbate?


One day, when my kids are grown with their own homes, I’ll come over, grind food into all of their keyboards and lie about it.


I said goodbye to everyone at a party and then mistakenly walked into a closet and was too embarrassed to walk back out so I live here now.


Superman and Batman probably had a lot of “capes in the toilet water” accidents when they went to take a dump.


It’s better to have loved and won than to have loved and lost. I don’t know why they never mention that.


The Razzi family had more family photographs than any other family.

All thanks to the dad.

Papa Razzi.

Goodnight everyone


I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.


I’m happy with it shorter, the ladies seem to like it that way.

-me to my barber