Not many people knew that Albert Einstein had a brother that was an evil scientist that experimented with cadavers.
His name was Frank
They irony of being hit by a Dodge.
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If you love someone, set them free. If they come back with two police officers, you’ll know that setting them free was a bad idea.
The string of expletives that just left my mouth was so long, I clotheslined a cyclist two towns over.
“Finally finished YouTube.”
4 year old spent 10 minutes telling me about his grazed knee and how it “really really hurts” but when he showed me it looked fine. He got mad that I couldn’t see the graze. Then he realised he was showing me the wrong knee
Was reminded yesterday that this exists so I’m dusting it off
Just got off the phone with my mom.
She had a good chat.
Unrelated, there are 1273 Cheerios left in this box.
Twitter is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.
My neighbor started mowing his yard at 6am so I opened all my windows and vacuumed because I don’t understand how revenge works.
I’m 5’5″ and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.