I would have suggested they just use a regular volleyball, but I guess the Olympics are special.
You Might Also Like
I’m thrilled that you found Jesus. Where was he hiding?
BANK ROBBER: I said keep your hands up!
ME: *Exasperated sigh* The whole time?!
I’m prepared for anything, as long as it isn’t hard or boring or scary
Some days you’re the Titanic, some days you’re the iceberg and some days you’re that guy who hit the propeller on the way down.
I don’t understand people with clean houses. My house looks like a hurricane and tornado broke in, got into a brawl, and left
The important thing to remember is that nobody asked you.
my favorite animals at the zoo are just the random birds walking around like they belong. Go home pigeon, this is fancy bird town
[murder scene]
Snail detective 1-He left a decent trail
SD2- Let’s track him down
*10 hours later*
SD1-Damn that guy is fast
“PARKOUR!” – me, after tripping over nothing on the sidewalk
[First date]
Him: So where do you hike?
Me: I don’t hike.
Him: Your profile said you love hiking.
Me: I’m a fiction writer.
“What if kids lost all their baby teeth at once? Kid turns five and their teeth start flying out of their mouth, like popcorn in a pot without a lid?”
“I meant questions about your root canal.”
“Nah. Hook up the gas and let’s party.”
If a cop yells at you to GET DOWN just start twerking cause damn, dude, be more specific
YouTube is a dangerous place for kids. There’s a lot of filthy stuff they could stumble upon like videos on how to make slime
Cool how most makeup tutorial videos are like: ok, first, start out already young and pretty with no makeup.
Please. Stop. Tweeting. Stop. Like. Stop.This.Stop. It. Stop. Looks.stop.Like.stop A stop.Telegram.stop so. Stop. Please. Stop!
I feel as though most of my problems would not exist if I had just worked harder on that crane thing from Karate Kid
[business meeting at restaurant]
“There’s more than one way to skin a cat”
[Family of cats at next table]
*mom cat puts paw on cat dad’s arm
Where do you weigh a pie?
Somewhere over the rainbow … weigh a pie…
Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is broken
11-year-old: I folded the laundry.
Me: You only folded one thing.
11: Is laundry plural?
my boyfriend told me he would not love if I were a worm. Which wouldn’t bother me except for the fact that I didn’t ask
I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted
[on first date]
I’ll have an iced tea, please.
Waiter: Sure. Ummm…anything for the balloon with a woman’s face drawn on it?
judge: your word is meaningless.
me: meaningless. m-e-a-
lawyer: [hand on shoulder] just sit down.
My mind’s telling me “No!” But my body, my body’s telling me “There’s that chicken salad in the fridge.”
[7:00:00am] *opening eyes* today is gonna be a great day!!! 😀
[7:00:01am] wait no
[7:00:02am] hold o—
[7:00:03am] stop
Me: I should tell him how I feel.
Beer: Nah.
Vodka: Just be sweet about it.
Whiskey: Or yell it.
Tequila: MAKE SURE YOU CRY GUYS LOVE THAT
I work at Home Depot.
White guy: There is a man selling tamales out of the trunk of his car in the parking lot and disturbing costumers
Me: Thank you for that information
Me to tamale guy: Are you the guy selling tamales?
Tamale guy: yes
Me: I’ll take three
Nothing is as heavy as a page that needs turning.
If you’re a guy and your profile picture has a photo clicked of yourself in front of a mirror,
OH GOD WHY?!?