Cool how most makeup tutorial videos are like: ok, first, start out already young and pretty with no makeup.

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I accidentally just sent a kissy face emoji to my female boss… and now we wait for the call from HR on Monday.


I dropped a telephone book on my foot, and when I called 911, they just sent a police car to arrest me for having a phone book in my house


Boss: This is the 3rd time I’ve seen you slacking off today. Do you know what that means?

Me: You want me to move the couch into my office?


My husband bought me a holiday throw pillow after complaining that we have too many throw pillows. He said “Holiday pillows don’t count because they’re temporary.”

I don’t think he understands the floodgate he just opened.


Buy a ticket to Finding Dory and yell “She’s right there!” every time she comes on the screen until you’re escorted out of the theater.


I spent a lot of my childhood worrying about wearing red clothes and being chased by cows


Getting schooled in Minecraft by a 6 year old. Looks like someone is about to find out Santa Claus isn’t real.