Thinking about this 37 year old baby from a flight safety brochure
Cool how most makeup tutorial videos are like: ok, first, start out already young and pretty with no makeup.
You Might Also Like
Sorry to text you so late but can your dog come over?
I wonder how many other Sandy’s have come into men’s lives and taken their cars and houses, too.
[my kid while eating a hard boiled egg]
mommy, what flavor is the yellow part?
WAITER: Would you like a booth or a table?
TERMITE: [handing back menu] The table sounds delicious, thanks
My biggest skydiving fear is that the person strapped to my back will try to talk to me
Don’t try to sell a membership to the president of the fan club.
This kid at the Bar just told me Nickelback is a better band than Metallica….
Long story short….Send bail money…
My superpower is convincing my family I spent all day cleaning by lighting a few candles
doctor: your parents were in a car accident
me: how are they?
doctor: they’re extremely critical
me: so they’re awake, that’s good