Quentin Tarantino + Johnny Depp = Rango Django
My favorite part about reading The New Yorker in public is looking around to make sure people see I’m reading The New Yorker in public.
You Might Also Like
My daughter just announced she’s SICK of stupid-ass people. I said “Oh darlin, you’re gonna feel ill for a long time.. they’re everywhere.”
Startle and amuse your cat by replacing its kitty litter with Poprocks. (Ladies: feel free to share this idea on your pinny website thing.)
If you love Christmas music chances are you never worked retail during Christmas.
COP: Do you know that you have an outstanding warrant?
ME: Well I didn’t know it was outstanding…..but I figured it was better than average
If I had a dog I’d say “I have a bone to pick with you!” and then we’d go to PetSmart to pick a bone and we’d laugh & laugh & can dogs laugh
*bakes 12 cookies*
*waits for family to come home*
5 year old: “I SMELL COOKIES!”
“Weird! Here’s a salad.”
There are so many different genres of music nowadays, but most of it could be filed under “Ear Shit”
Him: If you’re so smart, name all 50 states!
Me: Drunken, Stoned, tipsy, sad, happy, sloppy, loved, confused, exhausted, ecstatic, fatigued…
Him: Ok,enough FFS.
Me: oooo, angry!
My sleeping pills say don’t mix with alcohol, but drop it in the glass and it dissolves just fine. Doctors think they know everything.