@HerculeanStren1

They’re not wrong

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@Cornjerker78

In the theater

Me: Haven’t you ever seen someone stuff their bra before?

Him: Not with tater tots
*pause*
Gimme some.

@Eithercryingor

Just learnt how a cat yowls on heat. So glad we as humans don’t do it the same way

@Gupton68

her: go on, thrust your fist in deep enough to make the eyes spin

me: I never realised ventriloquism school would be so hard

@BadmashiNaManum

If a tiger attacks your mother-in-law and your wife at the same time, whom would u save?
Man : Off course, the tiger.. very few are left

@BDGarp

I bet Gloria Estefan’s kids were terrified of rhythm.

@nPhelendriqal

Anytime I see a tweet in a different language, I read it as “Oo ee Oo ah ah, ting tang walla walla bing bang.”

@Jod1e1992

Forget waterboarding, just put a cold hand on my belly and I’ll tell you anything you want to know.