@LurkAtHomeMom

*checks WebMD*
Holy crap, I need an ambulance!
*checks insurance deductible*
Nevermind, I’ll just take a vitamin or something.

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@jimmytorosian

What are you listening to?
The Who
Who?
Yes
You’re listening to Yes?
No The Who
Oh I like them
No not Them. The band is The Who.
The Band?

@sarcasticmommy4

Me: I think I’ll try to lose 5 pounds.
HIM: That would be good.
ME: WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT’S GOOD?
HIM: ….
ME: *rage opens Oreos*

@primawesome

Facebook: Hey remember this pic of your dog that died?
Me: Damnit Facebook not now.
FB: Sorry…
FB: Your ex girlfriend is getting married.

@audipenny

I like how your profile picture is you at your wedding, so are you like a professional bride

@trevso_electric

When I hear commercials say “win a trip for you and six friends” I start counting to see if I have six friends.

@KeetPotato

*gives you dictionary for your birthday*

wow.. i don’t know what to say

“that’s why i bought it for you”

@AngelaEhh

Some people say they don’t know what to do with their hands in pictures.

I still haven’t figured out what to do with my face.

@LMFaye

My cats always look at me like I should have planned something for us to do.

@torrami

Dragons aren’t evil; they’re just upset that they can’t enjoy Popsicles and other frozen treats.