@Marcmywords2
@nicfit75 Listen lady, you have 2 options. Either make your baby stop eyeballing me, or she & I can go outside to settle this.
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@nicfit75 
@WICKEDTRUTH01 That mini-heartattack you get when you sport a typo in your tweet.
@Just__J0 17: Want to see a movie?
Me: Sure.
17: Afternoon show only, so no one sees us together.
Me: Ok. *Posts pic on IG. Tags all her friends.
@Aspersioncast We should call them Whether Men, because they don’t know whether or not it’s going to rain, get it? That’s a good one.
@IndigoCheese Lost my first follower today. Funeral is Tuesday. Will be live tweeting. It’s what he would have wanted.
@slimmy_shady “OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD! OH GOD!Damn these thin walls. Don’t know if my neighbors are having sex, praying or having a coronary.
@whinecheezits My 5 yo lost her first tooth and wanted to bring her tooth fairy swag to school to flex on her friends. This included the white “fairy dust” (baking soda). So, I sent my kid into preschool with a little bag of white powder for show and tell. Follow me for more parenting tips.
@_SingleBabyMama “I don’t have that many gray hairs. I’ll just pluck them out.”
aaaaand….now I’m bald.
@JennyJohnsonHi5 It’s not fair how many boring things my nephew gets out of going to simply by shitting his pants.
@GirrlGenius If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.