Whoever named He-Man was doing the very least

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Jim is short for Jimberly. The short form for James is obviously Jam


how to fall down a long set of stairs:

step 1) step 1
step 2) step 3
step 3) step 7
step 4) step 10
step 5) step 15
step 6) step 26


In High School I was pretty popular with all the boys.
I was known as “Hey, will you ask your friend if she likes me?”


people get sad when a bird flys into a window but when i do it its a big hassle


I just heard my roommate mixing some beats except I don’t have a roommate and it was my cat throwing up.


Knock knock

“Who’s there?”


“Dejav who?”

Knock knock


Alcohol: You know Kung Fu and you’re not afraid to use it

Brain: This makes sense right now

Body: We’re on board

Pavement: Come at me bro


Filled the birdbath with Nescafé just to see the startled look on those vagrant House Finches.


“Get your fax straight!” – a tweet that would have been so funny in 1987