You wouldn’t hate anything about yourself if the world hadn’t taught you how.

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Good Morning guys! Just ran 21 kilometers in 2.8 hours. Really didnt know I could have done it.

Temple Run is a really motivating game.


Want followers? Tweet something funny.

Can’t think of anything? Tweet something honest.

Can’t say anything honest or funny?

Try Facebook.


A friend of mine was telling me that his wife thinks he’s too impulsive. I told him, “What does she know, you only met her yesterday.”


9 out of 10 dentists agree that Gary is the most handsome dentist. Gary voted for Brett because he couldn’t vote for himself


Man, I was just reminded that the world is supposed to end this year and I haven’t even started packing yet.


According to the Internet:

Xbox One
– $500.
– Weaker hardware.
– Mandatory daily check-in.
– Requires Kinect.
– DRM.

– Cures cancer.


I think Lady Gaga just puts glue on herself and rolls around on random things.


[looking for our lost son in the mall]

ME: we should split up and find him

WIFE: *serves me with divorce papers*


if you’re ever worried there’s an intruder in your house, shout 69 down the stairs. if no one laughs, there’s no one there


My dream is to become the first smart person to be interviewed by a newscaster live at a scene.