You wouldn’t hate anything about yourself if the world hadn’t taught you how.
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searching for people who think cologne is spelled colon is my favorite thing to do
Someone just gave the agenda for the “third half” of our meeting. Guessing it won’t involve fractions.
doctor it hurts when i do this *checks bank account*
[Trailer voice]
Detective Will Anker is an alcoholic with a drug problem who has just 48 hours to find the person who killed 150,000 innocent people & stole 37 billion pounds.
The only problem is everything points to him!!!!W. Anker
Thursdays on Fox
Sex is great but have you tried taking a shower after a week of camping?
For $5 I’ll comment on your exes new relationship status saying “you gave me herpes!”
“You’re in no position to be making demands.”
[does a handstand]
“Company helicopter & 2 months extra vacation.”
“Fair enough.
If you’re a grown man walkin around with a winter hat that has animal ears I can tell that @ some point people used 2 take your lunch money
Turn ons include knobs, faucets, buttons, handles, cranks, and ignitions.
The worst part of waking up from a nap is the noise my coworkers make in the office.