6YO said she’ll never be able to appreciate winter, cause snow on the bushes reminds her of cauliflower

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My hobbies are scrolling through twitter, charging my phone and being generally dissatisfied with things.


One a scale of keystone light to jaeger how drunk are you sir?


ok I need you to step out of the car


When can we start naming hurricanes after food items?

…and in recent news hurricane chicken and dumplings is forming near Bermuda


I’m just a girl sitting here wondering which outfit I own goes best with bad decisions…


My son’s soccer coach just said, “You can’t spell “triumph” without ‘try,'” and the look my son and I shared will bond us forever.


It’s Saturday night and I just saw a guy with a ponytail and tinted lenses. Somewhere, a tarantula is home alone


My husband just called to ask me what aisle something is in because he won’t ask for directions in a grocery store either.