@Chhapiness

*8YO arguing*
Me: I‘ll call Santa, right now and tell him…
8YO: Well I’ll call the PTA to volunteer you …
Me: You win

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@jonnysun

opening a deli called “Work” a steakhouse caled “The Gym” adn a fried chicken place caled “A Funeral” for ppl who like to eat & need excuses

@BlairLoudly

Is it physically possible to be sad in rollerskates? Cause I think my cat’s just being dramatic.

@shesananteater

Boss: Where’d you go??
Me: I got all the way up front and realized I forgot my pen.
Boss: Okay?
Me: So I went to lunch.

@momsense_ensues

7’s new favorite animal is the spider.

He tells me fact after fact about them, he’s made the background of his school iPad a spider, and he shows me pictures constantly.

I’ve been a pretty good mom, so I’m not sure what I did to deserve this.

@blondebombs

They say milk is good for your teeth..you know what else is good for your teeth..minding your own damn buisness

@AdamDavis

“Where’s my money?” – a loan shark
“Where are my friends? – alone shark

@estjaziah

how do they know an animal is extinct like??? u looked everywhere????