Check out some of these wacky signs you guys sent in! 馃憥鈿狅笍 #FallonTonight
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*PLOT TWIST*
Breaking Bad last ep.
Walt takes off the mask to reveal he was Dwayne JohnsonThe world finally knows what the Rock was cookin
Gotta get to bed early-tomorrow I鈥檓 bringing down the recycling
My favorite superheros are.. Baskin and Robbin!
My husband said when I wear my hair on top of my head, I look like a pineapple or a genie. I told him to pick one fast so I can decide where he sleeps tonight.
Check out this image, then fill in the blank:
“All these two cared about was ____________”Finish the sentence here:
馃摲: elevasseur
I cleaned the outside of our stainless steel refrigerator, and now we can never touch it again.
Guardians of the Galaxy was pretty good, I just wish they did a better job explaining which character was Groot
Reporter: so what is it like being in Maroon 5 when you’re not Adam Levine, um Mr. Uh-
*quickly googles for his name but google has no idea*
Just yelled “F, YOU GUYS!” to my students.
Another perk of being a music teacher…
casting director: can you play a Canadian?
me: eh?
casting director: [under breath] holy shit
I have discovered there is no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess that means it’s not worth trying hash browns.
Therapist: Talk about your friends.
Me: Now John at the bar is a friend of mine…
T: That’s a Billy Joel song.
Me: You’re no fun.
*RSVP鈥檌ng to Christmas party*
Whispering into phone: is it ok if I bring my weird roommate?
Husband, from behind me: STOP CALLING ME THAT
Having allergies is so embarrassing. Could I have some medicine? I鈥檓 being bullied by the air.
I鈥檓 sure it鈥檚 fine.
Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.
Quitting the gym because it’s easier, quicker and cheaper to simply invite my friends over for dinner every day and make them fatter than me
If Die Hard is a Christmas movie, then a sleeveless vest is perfectly suitable attire for dinner with your mother, Sharon.
My 8yo’s looking for a summer job. He’s a pretty decent bartender if anyone’s hiring.
Actually, I’d rather listen to your dog barking than you yelling at it to stop.
I really do like you, but I only share my alcohol with people I really like.
Me muttering when my husband takes a sip of my drink.
This makes total sense…
You didn’t make the team.
*me as your life coach
Whenever I see WHOA spelled as WOAH, I assume it’s referring to Noah’s evil twin whose Ark housed all the insect and arachnid life.
My mom is going through home reorganizing and to avoid confrontational conflict, my dad is leavings notes voicing his opinion
me: can we watch something besides basketball tonight
him: sure how about a movie
me: cool you pick
[halfway through Teen Wolf]
me: you tricked me
ME [first time on-air as a weather man]: don鈥檛 go outside unless you want your hair to look like you just shot off the fence at Jurassic Park
Working at the bank is:
10% bank transactions
87% helping clients reset their password
40% typing numbers without looking
23% accuracy
TV shows project an unrealistic image, like catching a criminal in an hour or that people don鈥檛 spend most of the day in pyjamas drinking wine.
“A user interface is like a joke. If you have to explain it, it’s not a that good.”#usability #uxdesign #iOSdev