Karate Kid taught an entire generation that there is nothing that dedication, perseverance, and an illegal kick to the face can’t solve
You Might Also Like
Oh, you like Thanksgiving?
Name 3 pilgrims.
I say, “Hi, friend,” to every animal I see, every time I see one, so they know I’m not their enemy, even to my own pets & it lessens my chances of being attacked.
Therapist: *pinching bridge of nose* I don’t charge enough an hour for this.
Me: *sees his fish tank* “Hi, friend.”
Obama: Joe, look. Full moon
Biden: What? TONIGHT? *starts shapeshifting*
Obama: Joe?
Biden: AARRGHHH
*Gore kicks door down*
Gore: MANBEARPIG
It’s not a hangover. It’s wine flu.
A field full of rams , really sounds like a ewe problem
I don’t date men unless they have tentacles. It’s called having standards.
ME: we need to focus. we’re so close to getting fired.
MY BRAIN:
Trying to keep the riff raff away.
*suddenly pulls away from kissing* BUT WHERE DOES THE STORK GET THE BABY FROM?!?
Me: Sorry, I pretended I was driving through a tunnel and couldn’t hear you when you started talking all romantic and shit.
Him: I was sitting right beside you. I think we need to talk about this.
M: keuuuuugh…shssssssh…weeeeeee
H: Still right beside you.
I was wondering why I wasn’t picking up any chicks recently, but then I realized my Monster energy sticker fell off my car
(When I hear a news report of someone getting run over while walking their dog) IS THE DOG OKAY JUST TELL ME THE DOG IS OKAY
one time I saw a guy playing with a yoyo walk into a street sign. I laughed so hard that it changed me. It changed everything.
[cashier training, day 1]
“Be sure to comment on everything a customer buys. They love that.”
that’s NOT YOUR CALL TO MAKE
“10 Things I Hate About You” is my favorite movie that sounds like a bitter Buzzfeed article
Please stay out of the flood waters. They are busy and don’t have time for your bullshit.
Finally! 😈
If Keanu Reeves was marooned on an island by a pirate captain with a loaded musket and a loaf of bread, he’d definitely shoot the bread.
Why do people draw sunglasses on the sun? It’s like, dude, he’s the sun. They make sunglasses because of him.
broke secret sevrice guy turns his pocket inside out and strangles an assassin with it. opens wallet and unleashes a torrent of moths at him
my friend is guilting me for watching the funny ad youtube put before “how to do the heimlich maneuver” while he was choking
Just by looking into someone’s eyes, you can tell if they have eyes
Is it just me or are the puzzles on The Guardian website really easy?
My cat knocked my phone into the toilet so now I have to shop for a new cat.
Oh you’re a vegan. Name all the plants.
When I see a parked car with the stick figure family on it, I move the husband over and put my studly stick figure next to the wife.
Every time someone with a clown avi follows me I add another night light.