Take on cheese
(Take on cheese)
Take brie on
(Take on cheese)
Camembert
And fromage
You Might Also Like
Looking for my glasses that my 5yo hid, but not having much success because I CAN’T FIND MY GLASSES.
The perfect tattoo doesn’t exi…
I love that technology has advanced so much that Alexa can understand me with my mouth full of crisps
Today’s lesson:
Tuck your hoodie strings in or back BEFORE you lean over your bowl of soup.
I’ve written a musical called Fish.
It’s very similar to Cats… although Memory’s a lot shorter.
Barista won’t write “Air Bud was bullshit” on my coffee cup. We’ve been arguing for 20 minutes. HE’S A DOG THAT PLAYS BASKETBALL
I don’t know who needs to hear this but that curb never did anything to you
Hot pies in your area want you to snatch them off the windowsill
I used to watch the Olympics on TV as a child and dream of growing up and also watching the Olympics on TV but on a better TV.
I still won’t want to talk to you after coffee, it’s a beverage not a miracle
me: for the story to progress, I really need to kill off some of the characters in the book I’m writing
my editor: but…you’re writing an autobiography??
me: 😏😏😏
The charcuterie board is Lazy Susan’s even lazier
cousin.
“Am I as bored as you are?” can be read backwards and still make sense.
Nobody:
My husband: That’s it. I’m going to bring back jean shorts.
The past two Fridays after school I have seen the same group of teens walking home with a store cake and I would like to know how I get in on this Friday cake club.
An Ontario woman completed a 40,000 piece puzzle, one of the largest in the world. And she’s VERY pissed no one told her the pandemic is over.
I know how to pronounce worcestershire until I see it written.
I know restaurants have to make a living but a pet hate is “extra toppings: £2.30!” and then it’s clearly one anchovy or half an olive spread around the pizza
Surprise your buddy by putting on clown makeup and dying in his attic.
“I’ll be back for you real soon” I whisper to the leftover lasagne
I named my third child Pi, because having that many kids seemed irrational.
Bought my daughter a scratch ticket this morning and in 5 minutes she’s asked 20 times to get another. Is there an age limit for gambler’s anonymous?
Doctor: You have athletes foot
Me: Omg awesome, when do I get the whole body?
There’s a fine line between a mirror and the end of this rolled up dollar bill.
Dear Lord,
Thank you for these noodles I’m about to eat and the good deal I got buying them in bulk at Costco. RA-MEN!
Kids today dont know how good they have it, with their tablets and iPads. When I was their age all I had was lice.
[before pepper spray was invented]
Cop: *holds pepper grinder in suspect’s face* Say when.
waitress: what can i get you to drink?
me: house margarita.
waitress: [slowly] margarita good
A lot of people don’t know this but the couch that played coffee shop couch in Friends is a couch in real life too
While those 2 guys at the bar were just fantasizing about what they’d do with powerball winnings, I stole their ticket.