Zac meets Ron
Zac dates Ron
Zac takes Ron home
Zac Efron
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a kid i met insisted she visited the “vampire state building” and i couldn’t bring myself to correct her
Seems a bit forward
He’s so proud of his work! 🤣
I found love at ninja school.
Yeah it just crept up on me and totally took me by surprise.
10 wants everyone to know i’m a horrible parent who never lets him have a friend spend the night tonight. even though he and his friend have spent the night at each others houses back and forth since Monday. kbye
Most people use photoshop to create amazing art or graphic design. I use it to make fake Doritos flavors.
If you don’t call your spouse “wonderful” when you’re on a game show, you’re legally required to get a divorce at the end of the show.
Elderly relative: If you receive a friend request from me on Facebook, don’t accept it.
Me: No kidding.
Me: Threesome?
Wife: When pigs fly!Do I wish for flying pigs?
Pro: Threesome
Con: High bacon prices*has idea
*starts building catapult
Farmers who aren’t pro tractors, what’s your angle?
And just like that, civilisation reached its limits
Sorry I armed a group of theoretical physicists with Sharpies and set them loose in your glass pane warehouse
If the FBI want to get into an iPhone w/o users permission, they should ask someone who’s done it before, like U2
[caught hiding something in the garbage]
gf: are you eating hot wings again?
me: no
gf: oh really, then touch your eyes
me: god damnit
People think they can be snarky to me at work like they don’t realize I have perfume I can wear and fish I can microwave.
wife: We really need to start teaching 9 some manners
me: *shoving an entire Pop-Tart in my mouth and spitting crumbs everywhere* I agree
Time to stuff a zucchini. I won’t say where.
Careful guys it’s raining cats and dogs outside and the ones that aren’t dying on impact are super pissed
Rand Paul’s full name is Random Politician
Walking my dog we saw a guy in a suit walking his dog and I know my dog is thinking I don’t dress nice for him anymore.
I’ve been practicing Social Distancing my whole life.. Just sayin.
Why are people scared of flying?! The Earth is a giant spaceship with no pilots. That’s way scarier.
13 asked for a haircut yesterday. after the haircut he was upset and asked why his hair was shorter. brain cells man.
At 7:00am I dropped my nail file on the floor, so I squatted down to pick it up… And at 7:20am I finally got up!!!
Distance is my jam, solitude is my peanut butter.
Sometimes I cross things off my to-do list that I haven’t done.
To remind myself that I control the list.
How it started How it’s going
We’re starting this social distancing thing as a family of six but given how everyone is getting along on day one, we might end up a family of four.
Gyms are open !
Just finished an intense workout session! (sitting in a gym judging one person for the past 2 hours)