This morning in my local coffee shop.
Customer: “A large mug with four shots of espresso and the rest filled with milk, please.”
Barista: “Are you sure? That’s a latte coffee!”
#EspressoDay #WednesdayThought #RubbishJokes
You Might Also Like
A smartphone that waits 20 seconds after you unlock before showing you notification indicators so it doesn’t distract you from going to do the thing you opened it for in the first place for so long you forget what it was.
I tried to forge my dad’s signature in first grade. Without knowing cursive. Let’s just say the bank didn’t give me that loan.
Flight attendant: Can I get you something to drink?
Me: What kind of gravy do you have?
I ruined my diet to finish the last 5 donuts in the office because my coworkers are on a diet too so yeah, I sacrifice for the people I love
Latte is the most popular part of the pumpkin spice plant.
ME: I’m being haunted by my Grandma.
GRANDMA: For the last time, I’m not dead! You drove me here.
ME: DID YOU HEAR THAT?
PARANORMAL INVESTIGATOR: *frightened* I think I can even see her!!!
girl: wanna have car sex?
me looking out the window at my car nervously: um… do I… do I put it in the muffler
[submarine]
captain: why can’t we submerge?!
stowaway jesus: lol
I knife through the icy water like a shark. The spectators gasp in awe. Mall security struggles to drag me fully-clothed from the fountain.
I joined my 5yo in Roblox and after she was done giving my avatar a tour of her house, she followed my avatar into the bathroom because she didn’t want it to be lonely. Apparently no version of me gets privacy in the bathroom.
My ex from highschool followed my new dog’s Instagram account and dm’ed her “I don’t like your mom” LMAO IM DYING
I hope this email punches you square in the face
Me: Magic 8-Ball, will I ever find true love?
Cantaloupe: Maybe if you lay off the drugs.
Kevin Hart 🤣🤣🤣
if i ever call you after we haven’t spoken in a while saying that i “just wanted to say hi” know that you probably died horrifically in my dream last night
I’m not embarrassed.
I order my gingerbread latte LIKE A GOD DAMN MAN.
(I send my wife into Starbucks while I sit shamefully in the car.)
if i pay $15 for a bottle of water at a concert or a sporting event, i better drown
Maybe pandas can eat more foods than bamboo but no one has ever offered them a Twizzler.
Maybe the wolf from The Neverending Story still has nightmares about me, too.
If it weren’t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless.
My daughter told me I look like I’m in my 20s so I gave her 2 brownies for breakfast.
I bet Melania Trump really regrets buying a speech off Craigslist now.
50 shades – only romantic because the guy is a billionaire. If he lived in a trailer, it would be another episode of criminal minds
Sarah Palin isn’t racist. Some of her white friends’ best white friends have white friends who vaguely know someone who is black.
*takes long drag off cigarette*
No one digs a well at the top of a hill, so what the hell were Jack and Jill doing up there?
last christmas
i saved me some plums
the very next day
you ate them anywaynext year
to save me from tears
i’ll eat all my plums for dinner
5…! 4…! 3…! 2…! 1…! RENT IS DUE!!! 🎉🥳🎉
I want a pet donkey that will kick people I don’t like on the command, “huh, interesting”.
If you have scissors for hands, you could probably just introduce yourself as Edward, and let people figure the rest out on their own