People belittle the internet “talking about a dress” as if we’re busy solving problems otherwise.
You Might Also Like
i saw someone say on facebook once, very seriously, that irish dancing was invented as a form of resistance against the english so the irish could be hiding behind bushes and the english wouldn’t be able to see that they were dancing with their legs.
so i’m at the stock market right
Whenever I tell her that I want to put my Butterfinger into her MilkyWay, she Snickers.
It’s painful when you lose an ex. It’s even more painful when they come back.
Leaving the group chat so I can focus on my responsibilities as a Shark Tank subbreddit moderator .
I made eye contact with my neighbor while taking out the trash and instead of doing something normal, I did a curtsey
“He looks just like his grandfather” is a cute thing said about a new baby in most parts of the world. In Alabama,it’s more of an accusation
*spider falls on my desk*
*pulls fire alarm*
*stands in hallway & points firefighters toward my desk*
I need a pet that is quiet, obedient and doesn’t jump on the furniture.
I think I need a hard boiled egg.
Hate to brag, but a cute fireman gave me his number today. It’s only 3 digits & he said it’s only for emergencies, but I know what he meant
My first wife and I split on good terms. I know this because, when I announce the split on FB, she was the first to click LIKE.
It’s a doge eat doge world out there. Such cutthroat. Very survival of the fitter
7-year-old: I jumped in a puddle and almost drowned!
Me: You’re exaggerating.
7: It was in that puddle you always complain about.
Okay, it might have been deep enough.
Remember Chucky? This is what he looks like now.
every For Him gift guide is just like “have you considered sock?? what about TOOL??“
Being brave is overrated.
Just run away, screaming, like a normal human being.
“I’ll see you in hell” should be followed with “and I won’t even stop to say hi”. Otherwise you’re just making plans with someone you hate
Dating is just deciding if you like a person more than being lonely, then choosing wrong.
89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great what he really means is “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”
I think it’s funny when parents get actually mad at people for call themselves a dog mom it’s like yeah no duh it’s not the same thing people actually like their dogs
gimma back my stick frost man… 😖☃️
Is that a sweet potato in your pants, or are you just oddly shaped?
Well it’s been a week and I’ve already f’ed things up so here’s to 2025
Wife: We need to talk
Me, absolutely panicking: What
Wife: We need to start buying the big jars of peanut butter
Me: I think my computer’s broken
Boss: just give it to the IT guy
Me: okay *walks outside and tosses my laptop into the sewer* good luck
My mind thinks I’m 6, and my heart thinks I’m 22, but my body knows we’ve died and reached hell.
[bridge]
BUNGEE INSTRUCTOR: forgetting something?
JUMPER: what?
BUNGEE INSTRUCTOR: your harness.
JUMPER: oh wait lol i’m not with the group.
1: Acquire scuba gear. 2: Strap duck decoy to head. 3: Dive in local pond. 4: Enjoy unlimited free bread crumbs.