Sorry, but Apple making driverless cars isn’t breaking news. It’s been going on ever since they introduced the iPhone.
You Might Also Like
100% of car accidents happen within exactly five miles of something. If you’re within five miles of anything right now, move.
this is the kind of chaos i demand from a pharmacy
WHAT are birds so happy about at 7am? What? Oh, right. Pooping while airborne. Good one.
ME: Why are my eyes itchy?
WebMD: Eye bees
Jack Black is trending? Hey if it’s 1998 again maybe I can fix some mistakes
I’m still in disbelief that 9/11 coincidentally happened on September 11 (9/11)
When it rains, are ducks like OMG my home is falling on me
*bird forgets to set alarm clock*
*worm has pretty laid back morning*
Mugger: give me everything you’ve got.
Me: *deep breath* AT FIRST I WAS AFRAID I WAS PETRIFIED
Do the makers of hold music know that Mozart wrote more than one song
“And then she kissed the frog and saw him turn into a prince, because kissing frogs makes you hallucinate.”
-me as a babysitter
“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time
Owen Wilson has made around $217,838,000 from his movies. He averages around 3500 words per movie in 47 movies. That’s about $1,324 per word. “Wow” was 102 of those words. Owen Wilson has made roughly $135,072 from saying wow goodnight twitter
Got to my dad’s house and he was showing me all the food he has for me to snack on and he goes “and I have a guacamole ball” what’s a guacamole ball you ask? well I will tell you. an avocado. He has an avocado.
Imagine if your dad was a Minotaur and your mom was a Mermaid and you got the human half of both and now you’re just some guy
4: I wanna watch Sing 2!
hubs: you’ve watched that a thousand times.
4: not today.
does anyone know how to use nunchucks, I got a pair for xmas and I’ve just been swinging em around real fa
As a parent, I spend far too much time identifying what’s stuck to the ceiling.
I insist on having my husband talk dirty to me in a Donald Duck voice.
I shoulda been an air conditioner cause all I do is vent.
The first rule of fight club is: you do not tell mom that I let you watch fight club, kids
“You can hide but you can’t run,”
— Mama tortoise giving the lowdown to her kids
LOCAL BOTS ARE SICK AND TIRED OF PRETENDING TO BE HOT LOCAL SINGLES AND WANT YOU TO ACCEPT THEM AS THEY ARE; LINES OF CODE AND NOTHING MORE
sugar glider wrangler
My ability to do the worm originated from tripping, landing on my face and being too lazy to get up to walk to bed
Not a creature was stirring, not even a… oops never mind, the Aussies are up.
Those people that get up and are already home from the gym by 7 a.m. make me believe the movie Men in Black just may be true after all.
Now I lay me down to sleep
I hope you like this and retweet
If I should die before I wake
I may have eaten too much cake
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming
Like boxes of shit in your house? Get a cat.