Yes I run a porn site. It was an accident.
You Might Also Like
Today I took the stairs. My legs burned, I was all out of breath and I stopped and I thought to myself… I really need to stop using the stairs.
This text from my boss has every element: “Water you doing? Wind did you get to work this morning? Why on Earth did I hire you? You are Fire’d”
Judging by this one leg hair I found, I have missed this spot with the razor everyday since 1985. So sexy.
My son asked what it was like to be a parent so I begged him to make me chicken nuggets and then held on to his leg so he couldn’t move.
I saw this sign two days ago and I can’t stop thinking about ‘Worse’
I’ve just seen a girl post a selfie with her dead grandma on facebook and thousands have commented “rip”. Stop the internet, I wanna get off
I’m still angry about those Oreo Thins. I’m here waiting for TripleStuf and QuadrupleStuf and they’re all “we went the other way with it.”
I ate a cliff bar before bed, now I can’t stop dreaming about hiking
I’m going to remember this night forever!!!
Tequila – You sure about that?
The hospitality industry is always looking for influencers who can bring visibility to their business. YOU could be that influencer! and having your own professional travel blog is how you do it! Click here to start your own travel blog #ad
Costco is the only place that you can walk out with a Kayak, twenty pounds of meat, jeans, ten bottles of sun lotion and not look ridiculous
Oh good. Another podcast set decorated with bobble heads. Remember when nerds had the the good manners to be ashamed of themselves?
[1st time on phone with a girl]
I’ve got butterflies in my stomachIt’s so cute that you’re nervous
[eating 2nd bowl of butterflies] huh?
REPORTER: *asks question*
POLITICIAN: that’s a great question and thank you for asking it *answers a different question*
9: What are you going to be for Halloween dad?
me: Drunk
9: What’s mom gonna be?
me: Mad
unpopular opinion: The best thing young people can do early in their careers is to delete their dating apps so they can meet someone the old fashioned way (going down on catwoman)
[Confessional Booth]
Catholic: I’ve done a terrible thing, will I still make it into Heaven?
Me, as a priest: *shakes Magic 8 Ball* My sources say no.
People who tuck their shirts into sweatpants…are you okay?
Scientist: we’ve finally taught a dog Morse Code
Dog: [taps paw]
Me: what did it say?
Scientist: “woof”
not now, i’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus
your stripper name is the first two words you see in a newspaper headline while on the phone with your wife pretending to be an old British woman so you can be her nanny and spend more time with your kids
the amazon drone struggles to stay in the air & nearly takes out a police helicopter as it makes its way to my house carrying 45 pounds of mustard
My boyfriend literally has no problem making friends with anybody…
Hey babe, are you a voodoo doll? Because I feel like stabbing you.
*First day as a forest ranger*
Me: *using radio* I found a badly mangled buck out here
Boss: That means there’s a bear nearby
Me: Yep *narrows eyes* and it hates money
I wish whitening toothpaste got my teeth as white as the places I drop it on my shirts.
I been working on my summer bod: it the same as my regular body, but this time more popsackles in it.
I feel I’ve done my best to tolerate lactose long enough.
I love how you guys shit on Lohan, Hilton and Kardashian. If one of those bitches said a word to you fools, your balls would explode.
Smoothies- the art of selling half a banana and a peach for £3.50.
#RubbishJokes #JokeDay
#FridayVibe