So hopping on a bandwagon is bad but falling off the wagon is also bad. Which is it society? Where is the acceptable orientation relative to a wagon?
You Might Also Like
Inventing The Octopus-
God: *watching humans freak out over spiders on land* Hey you know what would be HILARIOUS…?
“I got this”
-hypochondriac reading Web MD
“Today is chest and leg day!”
-me, ordering at KFC
boss: you’re fired
me: [pausing tiktok] why
Ugh, stalkers are horrible.
You’d think SOMEONE could’ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.
I wish a notification would pop up when I’m texting a guy and be like “Incorrect use of big vocabulary word. Buy a dictionary, bitch!”
Please pray for my 5yo who demanded I get him a glass of water because he’s “too thirsty to walk to the kitchen”.
No I don’t want to ride in a basket beneath your giant flying fire tent.
ohhhhhh today’s Friday the 13th, that explains the last two years
my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and i ate them because im a velociraptor disguised as a milkshake vendor lol owned
Damn … History Channel 😀
#archaeohistories
Sure I named my black cat Blackie and my grey cat Grey, but you need to be a little less obvious with babies. Isn’t that right, Mistake?
I saw a pigeon walking alone today. I was like you and me both buddy then he met up with his friends and I was like TRAITOR!
“The Burning Bush” but it’s just me getting laser hair removal.
Me: look at this stupid thing lol
Person I want to like me: actually I studied that thing at sea for 3 decades and it’s like a father to me
I shall play you the song of my people
*stomach growls*
Friend: You’ll find love again.
Me: STOP THREATENING ME
Me: Could I plz continue watching the thing I was watching the last time I was on here
Hulu: Sure! ….if you can find it 😏
Me: I’d like one wet wipe please
Wet wipe packet: the best I can do is 10
He’s been preparing for this moment his entire life 😂😭
I like to put powdered sugar around my nose before Zoom meetings
Animals…..
Hey what are you looking at don’t you have anything better to do it’s only an panda having a nice bath ok…..😏😉
I’m 50. If you say you want to be friends with benefits, you better damn well mean full medical and dental with a low deductible
WIFE: Did you sleep with my sister?
INSOMNIAC: No
Date: I decided to take a year to backpack across Europe before going back to Harvard Law.
Me: *eating spaghetti through a straw*
For sale: Baby, won’t stop selling its shoes.
Me: what do you get when you cross a bear with a shark
My Dog: bark
Me: wait henry don’t give it away
I’ve never been on a diet but one time I had to wait until my wife left the kitchen so I could sneak some more cookies before dinner.
I eat my sandwich over a piece of bread, so when stuff falls out…BOOM! another sandwich.
I told my DAD to embrace his mistakes. he cried. then he hugged My brother & me.