When a Weeping Willow dies does it become Mourning Wood?
You Might Also Like
I don’t know why the principal, the teachers & my daughter are freaking out. I would have loved to have a beer in my lunch when I was 12.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the trumpet.
When your chip basket is empty and your server’s busy.
How do you say “I’m sorry I got you pregnant, but my plane leaves in an hour. I might visit the baby one day.” in Korean?
Why am I like this?
#Shipping #Ecommerce #SmallBusiness #USPS #ShipDude
(looking up the ending of LOST on wikipedia) ohhhh now i understand. this is a free online encyclopedia
I’m one of those lucky people that can eat whatever they want and not put on any clothes.
[my dad is in the backyard motionless gazing off into the distance]
wife: what’s he doing
me: oh, there’s a long standing tradition in my family
her: what is it
me: i… just… told you?
“I shaved for this shit?” – All of us at one point in our lives.
My 4yo niece: “You’re fat”
Me: “Santa died”
Summer break is cool because I won’t be alone for the next 2000 hours of my life but at least I won’t have to pack anyone a lunch.
Fun fact: the person who said “If you love something let it go” died alone, surrounded by 342 cats.
[gets anchor tattoo removed]
Oh dear
[slowly floats towards the sun]
I’m not like those other dudes. I’ll wait until you’re dead to steal your heart.
Single in your 20s: help your friends move
Married w/kids in your 40s: help your friends haha jk you don’t have friends
“rejection is god’s protection” ok but from what? Happiness?!?
Waiting for the Charmin
Dunkin Donuts: Sorry, we’re out of chocolate glazed.
Me: [about to lose it] No Mark, save this feeling. Use it for your art.
Dad: Thanks for cleaning your room Emily. Unlike certain other children of mine, who will remain nameless.
Son: *eyes welling up* Please give me a name, I’m 17
To any ex-military that live on my street I apologize for whatever messages we may be sending, 2yo has discovered light switches
I feel closer to people when I am cleaning because dust is composed mostly of human skin.
Girl at engineering school: I’m like the single-most clumsy person
[5 male engineering students emerge from bushes]
“Did you say single?”
Is it just me or does everything cost like we’re shopping in an airport now?
Yesterday I wanted a pizza. Today I’m eating one.
Fight for your dreams.
If you can name four Metallica songs, you are in Metallica.
I had a peach bellini with breakfast and it wasn’t even the best decision I made today but it was a damned good one.
I’m slytherin because everyone knows women like a bad boy
I’m kidding, I’ve never even read lord of the rings
In Maryland we can’t legally carry concealed weapons so our best defense against being murdered is the zig-zag runaway.
If you’re happy and you know it… wash your hands.
he literally just said, “everyone’s saying i won the debate.”
is it possible…hear me out…trump has an imaginary friend named Everyone?